My View From Beyond the Gates: It’s where I store my hopes and dreams

Life is like a box of chocolate. Sometimes you get a tasty caramel. Other times you get that weird pink-colored cream-filled one. But what if your box is empty? Dani and Vanessa have some ideas about what to do. Leslie, on the other hand, fills hers with hopes and dreams — and maybe a couple of wigs.

I have to imagine that it’s not easy to launch a new television series. In this age of five-second attention spans and oodles of streaming services, if you don’t capture a viewer’s attention they are off to the next “recommended for you” suggestion. That’s why I am impressed by the job that Beyond the Gates has done so far. It’s been more than a quarter century since a new soap launched — and I cannot imagine that getting Beyond the Gates off the ground was an easy task.

Yes, there have been some oopsies and there are some things that might not be working as well as intended, but I think those are some of the challenges of creating 250 episodes of a program each year. Some streaming programs have just eight episodes in their seasons. They can take a week or more to film a single episode. Soap operas often film one-and-a-half episodes in a single day.

In less than 70 episodes, the characters of Beyond the Gates have quickly become familiar. We don’t know all of their various histories, but I know that I look forward to seeing what they are all up to each weekday. And many of the characters are doing the absolute most — and that’s not just referring to their sexual exploits. We’ve gotten insight into what makes them tick and we’ve gotten a good feel for their personalities. And, in at least one case, their multiple personalities.

Chief executive of orgasms

As you may remember from some of my earlier columns, I am watching Beyond the Gates with someone who is a first-time soap opera viewer. It’s fun to be able to experience all of the “firsts” through their eyes. We’re like a real-life Statler and Waldorf, just with less crotchetiness. Most of the time.

For example, here’s what went down when the show joined Dani and Andre in their post-coital glow. “Whoa… that was different,” Dani said in a daze. My secret soaper immediately replied, “He put it in her butt.” All crudeness aside, you know the sex is wild when the producers decide that your love scenes are the perfect spot to drop a little laundry detergent product placement. Maybe there was a little bondage play and someone got, ahem, tide up.

The whole dynamic between these two is absolutely fascinating to me. At best, they are friends with benefits-plus. That’s not to be confused with Paramount+, though you’d be forgiven for making that mistake. Or maybe I am thinking of ParamourMount+.

All that she wants

Andre wants to ditch his playboy ways and, just perhaps, start something serious with Dani. Dani, though, doesn’t want anything serious because she is still smarting from the way that Bill hurt her. She could also still be carrying a torch for Bill, though she insists that’s no longer the case. Even though Dani doesn’t want a serious relationship, that has not stopped her from being irked when Andre doesn’t immediately respond to her booty call text messages. On top of that, she’s convinced that he is seeing someone else… but they aren’t in an exclusive relationship so what does it matter if he is?

Andre is 100% right: “when things fall apart” Dani looks to him to “pick up the pieces.” That’s more than just being an intercourse buddy.

I’ll have what she may or may not be having

So what exactly are these two and what do they really want from each other? Damned if I know. I don’t see Dani taking another lover, though… the scenes in the hospital with Bill were enough to get my brain conjuring up all sorts of ideas. Please tell me I am not the only one that saw the way Bill looked at her.

Andre, though, is another story. He wants to have something with Dani, so the idea of him reverting to his ho-ish ways if that doesn’t work out isn’t really that big of a leap. He does have this inexplicable fixation with Ashley, though Ashley is very much committed to Derek for reasons that I also don’t understand. It seems unlikely that Andre and Ashley will “do the do,” but this is a soap and stranger things have happened.

Still, considering that Dani has dubbed Andre the “Chief Executive of Orgasms,” I am sure there are plenty of women (and men) who would love to explore a relationship with Andre if Dani really doesn’t want one. On a completely random thought, how does one hire for the position of Chief Executive of Orgasms? I’d imagine the interview process would be very interesting.

We are both too gorgeous to be drinking alone

Meanwhile, Chelsea has become a bit much in her dating adventures. Her interaction with the woman in the bar was cringe. I’m not entirely sure that the woman was even flirting with Chelsea in the first place. Maybe she recognized Chelsea from her modeling days. But that didn’t stop Chelsea from being a bull in a china shop. Her mother tosses coffee mugs across the room and Chelsea just tramples anything in her path.

I totally agreed with Chelsea’s “we’re both too gorgeous to be drinking alone” assessment. The first warning sign should have been when the mystery woman replied, “Thanks… I think.” The second? When Chelsea implied that the woman was checking her out, “Madison” claimed she just had a habit of “staring off into space.” Chelsea, baby, she’s either playing very, very hard to get or she’s just not that into you.

Then came the biggest red flag warning that something wasn’t quick clicking with Jane Bond. While Chelsea lowered her head to read a text message from Naomi, Madison couldn’t hightail it out of the Uptown fast enough.

But wait! There’s more! The next day, Chelsea and Madison again crossed paths. When Naomi asked how Madison and Chelsea knew each other, Madison replied, “We don’t.” It was like watching the Beyond the Gates version of the “I don’t know here” Mariah Carey meme. Since I couldn’t be at the Uptown, I am glad that Naomi was there to (try to) talk some sense into Chelsea. I’ll go out on a limb and say that Madison isn’t out and that has been the reason for her standoffishness.

The gag, as the kids say, was saved for the near the end of Friday’s episode: Madison is a neurologist at Garland Memorial – and she will be treating Bill.

Is there a doctor in the building? Is there more than one floor in the building?

I need to know more about this Garland Memorial hospital situation. Is it me or does it seem like everything is on one floor… one floor that needs an elevator to access it. Nicole’s office, Ted’s office, Laura’s hospital room, the trauma bays, and the exam room where Doug’s hand was put in a cast are all on the same floor. It’s also where Bill received his treatment on both trips to the hospital.

I can’t figure out why Naomi and Hayley didn’t take Bill to the emergency room. Does the hospital have one? And is everyone in the hospital a jack-and-jill-of-all-trades sort of practitioner? Shanice is social director, gossiper, and triage nurse. Doug McBride is a cardiac surgeon, but in a pinch he will practice emergency medicine. I’d better not visit the hospital because if they were to find out that I was almost a doctor, they might try to put me into service.

The guy would rather flatline than admit he’s not Superman

Speaking of my past life as an almost-doctor, I was glad to see Beyond the Gates show Bill’s unease at being in the hospital. We were taught about the disparities that people of color face in the health care system. Later in life, I would witness it way too many times. Since this is a soap opera column, I will step off of my soap box and focus on the fictional drama – even if it is rooted in reality.

What’s going on with Bill? I haven’t seen many theories floating around other than the ones that have been expressed on-screen: transient ischemic attacks and/or stroke.

I will admit that I have had two Doomsoaping thoughts about what might be happening to Bill. My first was that Leslie was somehow poisoning Bill for the way that he treated here all those years ago. She is resourceful enough to find ways to get near his food, drink, or other personal effects. Then I went doomier than doomsoaping. What if Hayley is doing something to cause Bill’s attacks. I don’t think it’s likely at this point, but wouldn’t that be a storyline shakeup?!

Even though I am a few seconds short of shouting j’accuse at Hayley, she did have this week’s unintentionally funny line. At the hospital, when Hayley was explaining how Bill suffered his medical emergency during their lovemaking, she said, “he went limp.”

This fall on CBS! Katlock and CSI: LSD

Forget about Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, Kat and Jacob are the new oddball buddy cops that we (or at least I) need to see more of. There is that pesky detail about Kat not being a cop, but I am willing to overlook that for the sake of this new movie franchise I am trying to launch.

Kat’s insinuation into the LSD investigation (that’s Leslie/Sherry/Dana for those of you who aren’t regular readers of my column) investigation is both obnoxious and hilarious. The thing that makes it so funny to me is that she is right and has been right about just about everything. She didn’t trust Eva — and she was right. She believes Leslie ran Laura off the road — and she’s right about that, too. And she believes Eva is hiding Leslie’s motorcycle accoutrements to protect Leslie. She’s not entirely right, but still somehow right enough to be right.

Meanwhile, Jacob is making some progress of his own. He tapped a digital forensic specialist to try to dig up more details about the unknown nurse that entered Laura’s hospital room. Everyone else already knows that the nurse was Leslie, as evidenced by the Shanice/Leslie faceoff at the hospital. Yeah, yeah… there’s that whole proof and beyond all reasonable doubt stuff.

Crime scene instigators

Back to Katlock for a moment. If she listens to as many true crime podcasts as she says she does, she should know that so many of the things that she is doing could tank the case against LSD. Breaking into Eva’s room? She probably doesn’t see it as “breaking in” since the hotel employee let her into the room. Sure, she wore gloves, but collecting evidence from a room that you were not supposed to be in in the first place? Ma’am! Maybe she is watching Only Murders In the Building and doesn’t realize that the show is a parody. A par-o-deeee!!!

Of course, we did get some soapy fun action out of her antics. Yes, it has been done on soaps a squillion times before, but Kat being stuck under the bed in Eva’s room was the kind of silliness that I appreciate on a soap.

Now for some finger wagging. Eva telling Tomás that she has “insurance” that she’s holding over Leslie’s head was dangerously careless. Tomás is a lawyer and I am sure that he is smart enough to start putting the pieces together. Also, Jacob’s thorough search of LSD’s apartment was anything but thorough. He checked a closet.

In that closet he found an empty box in another box and the title of this week’s column was born. When Jacon remarked that it was odd to find an empty box in Leslie’s small apartment, she replied, “It isn’t empty. It’s where I store my hopes and dreams.” She then warned the detective to not let any of those hopes and dreams spill out. That’s a very ballsy comment to make when you are the subject of an attempted murder investigation. At the same time, it was comedy gold.

I haven’t heard you tell me to shut up

Things in the love and romance department are also complicated for Dani’s sister, Nicole. I’ve figured out why Nicole isn’t wanting to talk to Ted. It isn’t that she’s mad at him over the affair. It isn’t that she’s annoyed that Leslie is still in town. And it isn’t that she suddenly realizes that Ted no longer looks like the man she married. No, the real reason is that Nicole has moved on. She’s found a new love… a love that is always there for her… a love that smells good. That love is named Febreze.

In all seriousness, I am now more confident than ever that Nicole and Ted will patch things up by the end of the summer. If you remember, I was originally worried that the show was setting the stage for Nicole and Ted to break up permanently. Remember that handsome stranger that showed up unannounced at the anniversary party? I would have bet money that Nicole would have grief sex with him. Good thing I didn’t make that wager. Take note, Dr. McBride.

Nicole admitted this past week that a part of her misses Ted. She didn’t specify which part. They were making some kind of progress at Uptown until Leslie showed up and messed everything up. Say what you will about crazy LSD, her timing is impeccable. Impeccably bad.

Reflections of the way life used to be

The most powerful moment of the week came when we finally learned the secret that haunted the Articulettes: there was a fourth member of the group. The reveal took place as Anita went into a secret compartment in a desk and removed a handwritten letter. When the letter flashed on the screen, I paused the playback so that I could try to read it. I had no idea what the show had in store.

In a series of brilliantly crafted scenes, we first heard the voice of a young woman reading the words on the page. We would learn that her name was Barbara, the woman who started the Articulettes. When Dante Green swooped in to manage the group, he deemed that Barbara didn’t have the right image – and couldn’t be groomed or trained to be what he wanted her to be. Barbara was cast aside – fired — and the Articulettes became a trio. Ouch.

After a short time, Anita began to speak the words of the letter aloud, her voice sounding in tandem with Barbara’s. Barbara’s voice eventually faded away. Anita folded up the letter, but she continued to say the words in the letter. It became painfully clear that Anita had read the letter many times and committed the words to memory. It was chilling.

“So if you’re reading this, sister, I’ve left this world for what I hope is a better place. And that… that is on you,” Anita said stoically before the emotions she tried to wall off started washing through. She buried her head in her hands and cried.

If you didn’t watch the Tuesday, June 3, episode of Beyond the Gates, do yourself a favor and watch it. Tamara Tunie’s performance was absolutely captivating and heartbreaking.

Someday we’ll be together

We got to meet Sharon, the third of the surviving Articulettes. She… wasn’t nearly as willing to let bygones be bygones as Tracy was. It looked like Sharon and Anita were going to come to blows a couple of times. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that Sharon looked like she was going to whoop Anita’s butt.

By the time Tracy convinced Sharon that doing a reunion concert was actually a good idea, it was too late. Anita decided that it was too painful to get the band back together and she planned to tell the promoter that the reunion wasn’t going to happen.

From the previews, it looks like things might get back on track, but even if they do I suspect that there will be even more Articulettes drama ahead. I agree with Sharon on one thing: she and Tracy are more in need of the possibilities that the reunion could create. Anita enjoys singing and I’m sure she’d be open to recording a new album or doing additional shows. But she doesn’t need that. Sharon and Tracy never found the success that Anita did, so this could be really big for them. But I don’t agree with Sharon’s plan to stab Anita in the back. I think that will ultimately backfire and… widen the rift between them.

Someone maneuvered that poker table like a pro

I was worried that some of my euphemisms about Vanessa and Joey’s casino romp might have been a bit racy. They were absolutely tame on comparison to the banter between the two. But that spiciness cooled off quickly when Joey told Vanessa that he’s invited Doug to join them.

In doing so we finally learned how much debt Doug had amassed: $250,000. A quarter of a million dollars. Vanessa quickly figured out that Joey wanted to use her business to launder money. Vanessa’s feelings of betrayal and guilt were easily seen on her face. Had Joey screwed her to also screw with her mind? It seems like Vanessa could write a check to pay Joey back, but I’m not totally sure about that. I’m also not sure if Joey would even accept repayment at this point.

My Doomsoaping mind has all sorts of horrible thoughts about this. The first is that Vanessa is going to be the one that gets in legal trouble over this. Joey’s insistence that “money laundering as gotten a bad reputation” didn’t exactly convince Vanessa or me that things were going to be okay. In another of Doomsoaping scenarios, Joey gets whacked. I can’t decide if Vanessa is the one that kills him or if Doug walks in on Vanessa and Joey engaged in sexytimes and snaps and kills him.

Beyond the Gates Speed Round

Here are some rapid fire thoughts about some of the other action from the week gone by.

I almost didn’t recognize you

It was nice to finally see Laura wearing real people clothes, even if the pattern on her top did look like the aliens in the Galaga arcade game. It’s been so long since Laura wasn’t in the hospital that I can’t even remember how many scenes she’s had that didn’t involve the hospital. It was interesting to see Laura turn to Eva for help. Might these two become friends in the future? I am hoping that we get to see more of Laura and learn more about her. But it might not be a bad idea to wrap her up in some bubble wrap just to be safe.

I finally made it beyond the gates

There was a shout-out to me this week on Beyond the Gates – even if no one knows that it was a shout-out. Kat quipped that Eva’s imaginary client had a rider that, among other things, required “Fiji water that’s been blessed by three different religious leaders.” There’s rarely a bottle of Fiji more than an arm’s length from me, so I am taking credit for this non-remunerated product mention.

Author! Author!

I was ticked that Eva and Tomás were talking about a trilogy of books by an author named Carl Ivati. That’s a cute nod to Emmy-winning writer Ron Carlivati, who is now a member of the Beyond the Games writing team. Perhaps a lesser wink was Eva’s mention that the audiobook she was listening to was about “star-crossed lovers.” Under head writer Carlivati, One Life to Live once featured a three-day musical event called “Starr X’d Lovers.”

More lines of the week

Andre to Leslie when she asked to see the hospital video footage and he (dumb dumbily) showed it to her: I’m not a streaming service, Leslie.

Chelsea, arguing that life as a model isn’t all glitz and glamor: You try breaking up fights in six-inch heels

Vanessa on life after sex with Joey: The next day I could barely walk

That’s all I have for this week’s My View From Beyond the Gates column. All this talk about boxes of chocolates has made me hungry and there is a local chocolatier that is calling my name.

I’ll be tuning in and I’ll continue to share my thoughts on Beyond the Gates as long as you’re interested in reading them. Thank you for reading and, as always, please feel free to share your thoughts on my column or Beyond the Gates in the Comments section below.

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Life outside the gates

My former Two Scoops columnists Liz Masters and Tamilu have joined me here on my personal web site — and they are still writing about General Hospital. Tamilu is back this week with a new column called, Unlucky in love, well, maybe so…

To read more thoughts, opinions, rants, and raves about daytime television, be sure to check out our Editorial section.

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