My View From Beyond the Gates: Doomsoaping

Gambling doctors. Cyberbullying. Lusting after a mobster. Excessive day (and night) drinking. Lying to your parents. What could possible go wrong? Absolutely everything. And with a big party coming up, it might be even worse than absolutely everything.

I don’t know what’s gotten into my lately, but as I sit in front of the television enjoying my weekdaily dose of Beyond the Gates, I find myself overcome by this feeling that bad things are going to happen. Yes, this is a soap and bad things happen, but I keep thinking that worse than soapily bad outcomes are imminent.

What is a worse than soapily bad outcome? I was worried that the can of room deodorizer was going to explore and take out the entire Dupree family. Okay, maybe my fears aren’t quite that overboard. Still, it just feels like bad times are coming to Fairmont Crest and I am not sure that anyone is going to be able to stop them.

Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

Wooly bully

Martin just does not listen. Like not at all. His husband tells him not to do something and he does it anyway. His kids plead with him not to make waves and he goes and cannonballs into the pool. I have to wonder if Congressman Richardson is better at listening to his constituents. Martin’s antics shouldn’t surprise me since this is a soap and soap operas are all about people doing things they shouldn’t do.

Imagine my surprise, though, when something good actually came out of Martin’s total disregard for his family’s wishes. I expected nuclear winter from Martin’s decision to go talk to the principal about the bullying. I was worried that the bullying might immediately get worse or that Tyrell might try to harm himself as a result of everything that had been going on.

Instead, Jessica ran into Tyrell at Orphey Gene’s and apologize for her ex-boyfriend’s behavior. It was a really cute scene. We got to see Jaden Lucas Miller portray Tyrell as something other than an Eeyore-esque teen who has nothing happy going on in his life.

The father and son reunion

It was a marked contrast from the family showdown earlier in the week. The scenes were Tyrell told his dads that his post-adoption life hadn’t been as easy as they might have believed was incredibly powerful and extremely well written. Tyrell lamented that he was constantly being picked on as the “poor orphan boy” that had been adopted by a “bougie” Congressman. Equally powerful was Martin opening up about the pain he experienced in school as a gay Black male.

Okay, I don’t know why I’ve started doomsoaping (trademark pending), but as Tyrell and Jessica were having their little chat, I was absolutely convinced that Martin was going to arrange to have his son yanked out of public school and sent off to some bougie wougie bugle boy private school. Why? Because it seems that Martin always torpedoes his kids’ chances of happiness.

Another thing that has me slightly worried is the sudden mention of Samantha and Tyrell’s pre-adoption life. Is someone from the past going to show up just when everything seems to be going well? Samantha is about to be a high profile model. Martin might or might not be running for president. Smitty is back on the journalism circuit. Eek.

A little ditty about Andre and Danielle

I’ve said it before and I will probably say it again. I like Andre and Dani’s chemistry. To be fair, Sean Freeman, the actor who plays Andre, has chemistry with just about everybody. Still, there is something special about the way Andre interacts with Dani. That is why I was surprised when I saw posts on social media stating that Andre and Dani should not be a romantic pairing. What?! Suddenly, I began to second guess my entire Beyond the Gates belief system.

From the things that Nicole has said in the past, I believe that we are to assume that Andre has always been a ladies man. We’ve been given no indication that he’s ever had a serious relationship. That’s why I find his protectiveness and care for Dani so special. I don’t think it’s because they are “family,” though I suppose one could make that argument. I also don’t think it is because he is awed or starstruck by the former supermodel.

Does Andre want something meaningful with Dani? I am not entirely sure. At times I feel like he does want more than the occasional booty call, though I don’t think he minds them. I’d like to see Dani and Andre explore some sort of situationship, but for the moment I like watching how things are playing out.

I really appreciated the Vernon and Dani scenes. I’ve always felt that Dani was something of a daddy’s girl, and I liked seeing that they have a special bond.

Pass out (drank), wake up (drank)

I am worried about Dani’s drinking. She’s blacked out out twice and she never seems to be more than a few feet away from some sort of alcoholic beverage. I’d like to see Dani step back from the drinking before something really bad happens. My doomsoaping goes into overdrive here and I am not even going to tell you all of the terrible scenarios I’ve concocted. I hope this new modeling agency venture allows Dani to reclaim her sense of self and put down the booze.

It was a little icky that Dani’s attempts to take a drink on Friday’s show keep getting interrupted with moderately comedic moments. Is her drinking meant to be amusing? I sure hope not.

Sue me once, shame on you

I have to say that I am majorly bummed that the Bill versus Naomi courtroom battle is no more. Not that it ever was in the first place. I’ve always liked Naomi, but her flip flop has really left a bad taste in my mouth. We listened to her go on at lengths about how her decision to take on the harassment case was a matter of principle and that the decision had nothing to do with her feelings for her father. Now, she’s fully admitting that she wanted to stick it to Bill because he took a hacksaw to their family tree. Really?

What was poised to be great drama has been reduced to some sort of sappy Hallmark movie. Why couldn’t Naomi realize this sooner? Was Bill’s maybe-real-maybe-fake medical crisis a wake up call? Or better yet, why couldn’t Naomi have her epiphany in the form of a mid-trial meltdown?

I predict that sometime in the near future Bill will invite his daughter to join his firm. After all, creepy Mike was given the boot so I am sure there is a nice corner office waiting for a new partner.

In my doomsoaping mind, we haven’t seen the last of Mike. I can see him waging legal war on Bill, and I can also see him snapping and becoming violent. Sadly, though, I don’t think either of those will play out on Beyond the Gates.

Know when to hold ’em, know when not to punch a desk

Doug, you big dummy. I slow-clapped for his decision to focus on work rather than gambling. That didn’t last long because I immediately realized that he’d replaced one addiction with another. Doug completely lost me when he leaned over and asked Ashley how much money she had on her. I knew it had to be some sort of bet-related nonsense. Sure enough, Doug proceeded to strongarm the nurse into betting whether or not he could toss a piece of paper into the recycling bin. Turns out Doug had been doing the same thing to other nurses.

Doug’s wildly out-of-character reaction to losing a patient, however, was really the last straw. As a surgeon, I would think Doug would always have his tools’ safety in mind. The only good thing to come from Doug breaking his hand is knowing that now Joey won’t have to break his fingers. Of course, now Doug will feel he needs to go back to the casino… and that won’t go well for him.

This money smells so fresh and new!

In my doomsoaping scenario, Joey’s money laundering involves some sort of new Tide product placement. I mostly kid. I know it is only a matter of time before Vanessa gets entangled in Joey’s business. That isn’t a euphemism because I am pretty sure she is also going to get entangled in his bedsheets. I need someone to explain to me what Joey is planning to do in simple terms. I’d google it, but I don’t want to end up on some no fly list.

In other dire fears, I don’t see things ending well for Randy, Joey’s henchman. I actually like Randy, which is somewhat surprising since I am sure that Randy has done some pretty not nice things on Joey’s behalf. He seems like he’d be a pretty okay guy in an alternate universe where he isn’t involved with Joey.

Summer Febreze makes me feel… less than fine

For more than 309 years — that’s a typo and should read 30 years, but it often feels like 309 years. Anyway, for the entirety of the time that I owned and operated “the soap site,” I relied on advertising to help pay the bills. In fact, back in 1994, I was one of the first web site operators to understand the value of using the then-new World Wide Web to help companies reach customers.

There were no massive tech companies involved in the process. I actually went to a library and checked out a copy of the advertisers “red book,” which was like the Yellow Pages for finding out which advertising agencies handled which companies’ ad buys. I then watched every soap — there were over a dozen at the time — for a month and jotted down all of the products that were advertised during the weekday broadcasts. From there, I reached out to the appropriate ad agencies to try to convince them that they should spend money on my web site.

The most common response that I got was something like, “What’s a web site?” Eventually, I found some visionary ad folks who were game to try something new.

Advertising to really “set the vibe”

Why am I mentioning all of this? I want to be clear that I am pro-advertising. In fact, I don’t mind when I visit a web site and then see ads for those products everywhere I turn. I wish those ads offered me special deals to entice me to buy, but that’s a different story.

When Monday’s show opened with Nicole and Anita spraying up the room with some Febreze as they set things up for Kat’s birthday party, I immediately knew that I needed to head to social media. I pushed pause, typed the product name into the search bar, and scrolled away.

The result was mostly what I expected, with a few exceptions. A lot of viewers ridiculed the heavy-handed product placement. Others, which seemed to be a lot of younger folks, seemed to not understand product placement or its history with soap operas. There were also a bunch of people who were amused that the well-to-do Duprees were just like them and enjoyed a good room fragrance.

The Tide is high

Later in the week, we got a clunkier ad placement for Tide. Naomi and Jacob were having sexy times and feeding each other some ice cream, unaware that lurking near the bottom of their bed was a bottle of laundry detergent. It’s a good thing that it was because, OOPS! There was an ice cream accident. Chocolate ice cream on a white sheet? That will never come out! Yes, yes it will and you don’t even have to wash the sheets anytime this decade because Tide will get the stain out and leave your sheets smelling amazing.

There was another less obvious but still obvious Tide placement with Smitty later in the week.

I wish that the product placements were more streamlined. Rather than have simply the sponsored placement, have Procter & Gamble products strewn about. Have some Crest in the bathroom or a bottle of Dawn on someone’s sink. Maybe someone slathers on some Olay product before going to bed. I think if name brand products are shown organically, the actual sponsored placements won’t feel as jarring.

Point to ponder: If a rival consumer goods product wanted to do a product placement, would it automatically be rejected because Procter & Gamble produces the show?

Beyond the Gates Speed Round

Here are some rapid fire thoughts on other action from the week gone by.

So wrong, so right

I nearly spit out my drink when Nicole asked Vanessa is Joey’s mother had died and risen three days later. The quip was wildly irreverent and I am kind of surprised that the network allowed it to air. I appreciated the comment because it felt like something a real person would say. Plus, the timing couldn’t have been any better.

The hug

I really enjoyed the scene where Ted hugged Eva and told her that she was part of his family. Ambyr Michelle absolutely nailed the reaction. There are so many different layers of emotions going on here. Eva’s love for her mom. Eva’s belief that Ted wanted nothing to do with her. LSD’s (Leslie/Sherry/Dana) wackiness and hatred for Ted and Nicole. LSD’s apparent feelings that she still harbors for Ted. Ted’s angst over the affair.

New Pamela, who dis?

Is it just me or has Pamela “changed?” She seems far more “ladies who lunch” now than she has in the past. There’s a new snobbish accent, where as she seemed almost the complete opposite in previous weeks. Have the writers decided to take the character in a new direction?

The Articulettes

I really, really want Beyond the Gates to stunt cast Patti Labelle, Gladys Knight, Stephanie Mills, or Chaka Khan as Anita Dupree’s former girl group members. It would be great promotion for the four legends’ upcoming The Queens Tour.

That’s about all for this week’s My View From Beyond the Gates commentary. I need to go check on my bunny as he is resting up for his big weekend. The plus side of living with the Easter Bunny? Lots of Peeps. The down side? Never being able to trust that a Raisinette is actually a Raisinette.

I’ll continue to share my thoughts on Beyond the Gates as long as you’re interested in reading them. Thank you for reading and, as always, please feel free to share your thoughts on my column or Beyond the Gates in the Comments section below.

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Life outside the gates

My former Two Scoops columnists Liz Masters and Tamilu have joined me here on my personal web site — and they are still writing about General Hospital. Check out Liz’s latest GH column, Red flag warning.

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