My View From Beyond the Gates: It’s not an obsession… I just enjoy it

There is a fine line between obsession and love. What is that fine line? Think of love as a cupid firing off those little heart-shaped arrows. And for obsession, imagine cupid is wearing a wig and pretending that he is a doctor. It’s love adjacent, or rather it resides just beyond the gates of love.

I am loath to comparing things that I like to one another because I worry that it will diminish the amazingness of the two things that I like. However, since I tend to flex my hypocritical nature in these columns, let’s do a little comparisonizing. No, that is not a word, but this is my site and my opinion column, so I get to make or break the rules.

Beyond the Gates reminds me a lot of All My Children. If you’ve followed my story, you’ll know that All My Children is the soap that first got me hooked and eventually led to my creation of Soap Central. For me to make that comparison is sort of a big deal. In fact, I don’t know that I’ve ever made that comparison before.

Under Agnes Nixon’s guidance or those that were her protegees, All My Children had heart. It had humor. It told the stories of the least of us and it told stories that were undeniably and unabashedly soapy. Michele Val Jean has done exactly the same thing with Beyond the Gates. Beyond the Gates will make you smile, make you laugh, make you cry, make you talk back to your television, make you reach for a cold glass of water, and, at times, make you wonder what the hell is going on.

Dana! Leslie! Dana! Leslie! Let’s call the whole thing off

I am getting this nagging feeling — and hear me out on this — that Leslie/Sherry/Dana might be a little crazy. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Dan! What a wild accusation! Do you have any proof to back up such a claim?” Funnily enough, I do.

No, it’s not the way she dumped all the hotel’s little trial size lotions and potions into her handbag. No, it’s not the way she ran Laura off the road. It’s also not the way she thinks that she still has a shot with Ted. And no, it’s not the way she threw her own daughter under the motorcycle bus. Actually, it very well could be all four of these.

No, the moment I knew that LSD wasn’t playing with a full deck of Joey’s card was when she put on that “Nicole” wig and talked to herself in the mirror. My mouth dropped to the floor and then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Wait just a second. This might be the moment that I knew I was crazy.

To be fair, I was probably still dizzy from the scenes where Kat told Ted and Nicole about her makeshift investigation into Leslie and Eva. Kat would say, “Leslie,” and Ted would reply by saying, “Dana.” It was a Fairmont Crest version of the old “Who’s On First?” comedy routine. If they’d all just start calling her LSD, life would be so much easier!

But back to Lescole (That’s Leslie as Nicole or Nicole 2.0). Her mirror self-talk session was hilarious. She sounded like Alexa short-circuiting when she said, “Therapy this. Cognitive that. Psychobabble, psychobabble, psycho boop, boop-boop-boop, boop babble.”

Only Kats in the Building

I am amused by Detective Kat Richardson. Watching her flit about town putting together clues like a younger Jessica Fletcher did my heart good. It also proves another soap adage: the police on soaps never seem to be that great at solving crimes.

I also like how she deflected when her mother claimed that Kat had an unhealthy obsession with true crime podcasts and shows. “It not an obsession… I just enjoy it,” she replied. I get it. That’s how I feel about Beyond the Gates, Kat.

Could this be a new career for her? I mean, she hasn’t gotten her other career — the co-branded fashion line with Chelsea — off the ground yet. Maybe she’ll get a spinoff series: MURDER Beyond the Gates. She can tool around each episode with a new handbag from the ChelseaKat collection.

Hold on tight. You know she’s a little bit dangerous.

I have a strange question — possibly rhetorical, possibly not. Just how dangerous is LSD? The wig-wearing woman, not the hallucinogenic drug. She ran Laura off the road, but her injuries were not as bad as they could have been. She injected Laura with potassium, but not enough to kill her. Does Leslie know what she’s doing or has she just been lucky? Leslie has made threats right and left, but are they just that? Or would Leslie actually, you know, unalive someone if she needed to?

For me, the verdict is still out. I definitely think LSD is dangerous (the wig wearing woman and the hallucinogenic drug), but I also think her bark is worse than her bite. I do, however, think that LSD might want to watch out for her daughter. The crazy apple doesn’t fall far from the crazy tree. Yes, Eva might have covered for her mom so far… but if I were Leslie, I wouldn’t let my guard down.

Dream Nightmare Girls

You’d be forgiven if the Articulettes story sounds eerily similar to a supreme girl group of days gone by. We’ve gotten drips and drabs about what exactly went down between Anita, Sharon, and Tracy, but I suspect that there is a crucial piece to this puzzle that we are missing.

But what is that puzzle piece?

Whatever it is, it seems to have upset Sharon far more than Tracy. There’s been several mentions of “what happened,” and it seems to refer to something other than Anita leaving the group.

Did something happen to Sharon? One of my thoughts was that Sharon was pregnant, but lost the baby due to the rigors of being on the road. That would have made it easier for Anita to want to walk away from the sadness she saw attached to being a member of the Articulettes.

It will be interesting to see who they cast as Sharon — if they even cast the role at this point. I admit that I want it to be someone who is a known singer — like a Patti Labelle or Stephanie Mills.

Quantum Leap

The Fairmont Crest time machine has struck again. When Naomi met Tracy, she mentioned that she had grown up watching the Articulettes’ music videos. MTV didn’t launch until August 1981, and music videos weren’t a really big deal for another year or so. That would put the high point of the Articulettes’ career about a decade later than I think we’d been led to believe it had been.

Dani is supposed to be 50ish according to breakdowns from the show. That would have had Dani born in the mid-1970s — before Anita was a star and, by extrapolation, before she met Vernon. Soap math is always so darned complicated!

As the June Turns

I love a good soap opera wink. That’s when a show writes dialogue or story that is clearly designed to make us, the soap viewers, giddy. We got our first real wink this past week from June, of all people. I’ve got to say, June has grown on me. When she is not being obnoxious, she’s actually quite funny and charming.

Naomi summoned her Aunt Nicole to try to help unravel the June mystery. I was kind of surprised by how quickly the savvy June succumbed to the shrinky-dink techniques of Nicole. Nicole noted that June wasn’t a common name and, after Jacob asked for her real name, June quickly replied that her real name was Jessica. Jessica Griffin. First of all, didn’t anyone else think to ask her what her real name was before then? It shouldn’t take a bunch of letters after your name to know that you have to ask questions in order to get answers.

Next, June opened up about her life — the husband that she’d had left her for his supposedly dead wife who had been held in a far away prison and suffering from amnesia. Jacob and Naomi’s heads nearly exploded when Nicole asked if June’s former husband was named Duncan. Long-time viewers of the CBS soaps, however, knew, like Nicole, that June had rattled off an old plot from As the World Turns.

If that wasn’t enough of a wink, we were about to get another. Nicole remarked, “I always thought that Jessica looked a lot like momma.” Tamara Tunie, who plays Anita Dupree on Beyond the Gates, played ATWT’s Jessica for more than a decade.

But who is June?

Obviously June is someone of note. The question is who. I have a couple theories, but they all are dependent on exactly how old June is supposed to be. In real life, actress Jasmie Burke is about 40 years of age. So let’s assume that June is roughly the same age.

June has been carrying around a photo. We haven’t seen the image up close, but it appeared to be an image of at least two people. My first thought was that June might be the biological mother of Samantha and Tyrell. Her resurfacing could completely upend things for the kids, Martin, and Smitty.

If June were slightly older, I would say that she could be Hayley’s mom. But the math doesn’t quite add up because I am assuming that Hayley is at least 30. Could June be her older sister? Maybe. It wouldn’t be the worst idea to have June and Hayley be related because it would give Hayley a story outside of the bedroom.

Two’s not company

Let’s discuss the moose head in the room: Ashley and Derek are not exactly the most dynamic couple on Beyond the Gates. I’ve already discussed my reasons for feeling this way in past columns. I’ve even offered a few thoughts on how their humdrum coupledom could be turned around.

Since I am no longer inundated with hundreds or thousands of emails each day from fans, I decided to poke around social media to see how others felt about “Dashley.” I forgot how… let’s say “unconstructive” some fans’ critiques can be.

This past week, for the first time in a long time, I actually cared about Ashley, Derek, and Edgar — that’s the name I gave the moose head. I don’t know what flipped the switch for me. I never doubted that Ashley and Derek were in love — I just found their love snoozy. And snoozy love is still love.

Should’ve used a Mr. Clean sponge

Maybe it was seeing that their relationship, no matter how boring I might have found it to be, was on the verge of ending. I love love, so I don’t want to see a relationship end over something silly. It might also have something to do with being able to relate to Ashley.

I lived alone for a whole bunch of years. When I bought my first home, like Ashley, I curated everything in the house. Everything was arranged in a certain way and I did everything a certain way. The idea of sharing that space with someone wasn’t something I was opposed to, but, like Ashley, it was my first home filled with things that I worked very hard for. I had become used to routine and was (overly) protective of the life I had created.

Ashley flipped Leslie’s her wig when Derek scratched her stainless steel refrigerator. Clearly, it was about more than just the refrigerator and the security deposit. You forget that there is a second person to help with things like the security deposit. Or worse, you worry that this other person will create expenses and that you will be saddled with them if the relationship falls apart.

It takes a village

I wasn’t the only one invested in making sure that Ashley and Derek didn’t split up. Once again, Beyond the Gates used its entire cast for a story. Jacob and Naomi were pulled into Ashley and Derek’s woes and their involvement with “Dashley” was woven into all of the other things they were doing. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but having friends be friends is something that other soaps tend to neglect. Soaps also tend to make everyone their own little island, an ocean away from everyone else in town.

Drinking game: I sure hope no one chose “bro” as their secret drinking game word. Jacob’s use alone would have been enough for someone to drink themselves into oblivion.

Mission impastable: Because I need closure, did Ashley and/or Derek ever eat the spaghetti and meatballs that Jan made for them? Between the pasta, the cupcake Eva didn’t finish last week, and the berries that were left uneaten a few weeks back, I am concerned about this anti-food messaging that is being foisted upon us.

The stages of love

You can’t say that Beyond the Gates doesn’t focus on love in the afternoon. It may not all be happy love, but there’s definitely all of the stages of love in play.

Maybe some strings attached

The week kicked off with Dani and Andre having another of their steamy romps. Dani made it quite clear that she wasn’t ready for any kind of commitment yet. She was enjoying her single time to and all the (friends with) benefits that came with it.

But later in the week when Dani wanted a little (or a lot) of Andre and he didn’t immediately respond, Dani became visibly jealous. By the time Andre reached out to her, Dani had already assumed that he was with another lover and became super snippy. I thought the whole point of no-strings was that, you know, there were no strings.

Interestingly, Pamela has now figured out that Dani and Andre was, um, getting to know each other. And Ashley, though she has no idea who Andre is seeing, offered some really, really important words of advice about his situationship: It doesn’t have to be serious to be important.

I kissed a girl (and my daughter didn’t like it)

The impromptu kiss between Dani and Pamela was typical rom-com fodder. It seemed harmless enough. Well, except that it was the second such kiss for Pamela in under 24 hours. It also wasn’t all that harmless to Chelsea, but Dani had no way of knowing that at the time her lips were puckered.

Earlier, Chelsea had her heartbroken when she pored her heart out to Allison, the married woman she had been fooling around with. Unfortunately, it seems threesomes often end up with someone’s feelings getting hurt. What made it more painful is that Chelsea, for the first time, fell in love with another woman… a woman who couldn’t return the same feelings.

When Chelsea saw her mom play-kissing Pamela, it set her off. But what followed was some of the most important television we’ve seen in daytime in a while. There have been gay characters on soaps for quite some time, but queer women of color have been nearly non-existent.

Don’t speak

After requesting (or perhaps demanding) that Dani not speak, Chelsea tearfully told her mother about her “whole emotional journey.” Dani said she would apologize profusely if her kiss offended anyone. All of this happened as Bill and Hayley looked on from across the country club.

What happened next was possibly another daytime first. Dani gave her Chelsea Bear her full and unwavering support — but Chelsea expected that. In fact, Dani’s support might have been too supportive. “You’re bursting with happiness,” Chelsea responded. “You’re seconds away from from planning my coming out party and wrapping yourself in a couture pride flag with rainbows dancing all in your head.” Moments later, we learned that Chelsea had kept her truth a secret because of Bill. On cue from across the room, Bill and Hayley discussed how Chelsea’s emotional outburst probably had something to do with a boy she was dating.

Equity and inclusive have become “dirty words” for some reason recently, but this was an example of why it is important. If a young Black girl can see herself in Chelsea and come to understand that there is nothing wrong with who she is, then the collective “we” has done out job.

She’s gotta have it

I was stunned by the way that Vanessa blurted out to Doug that she has been having sex with other men. It was probably the worst kept secret in town, but she finally said it out loud to Doug. Vanessa claimed that she hoped Doug was seeing other women, but I don’t believe that for a second. Then after dropping her bombshell, Vanessa simply got up and walked away. There was no post-confession discussion and no attempt to talk through things. Vanessa simply remarked that if felt good to breathe and made an unintentionally punny comment about how good it was to have all their cards on the table.

But did she really feel that way? When Vanessa bumped into Ted at the hospital, her rage seemed awfully out of proportion. I think her venting on Ted had more to do with the way she was feeling about her own marriage — and possibly herself. What I really wanted was for Ted to shut her down by telling Vanessa that she had no right to judge him for stepping out on his marriage when she has done the same and continues to do so. It was really a missed opportunity for some extra shade.

Beyond the Gates Speed Round

Here are some rapid fire thoughts on other action from the week gone by.

Clothes don’t make the man

Did anyone else notice that Ted’s clothing no longer seems to fit him? It’s as if the show’s wardrobe department didn’t have a chance to tailor the clothing now that there is a new actor in the part. Did the need to recast happen so fast that they couldn’t alter the clothes?

Very merry unbirthday

I realize Ted is new to the idea of having Eva as his daughter, but he isn’t new to the idea of being a parent. That’s why there is absolutely no excuse for that horrible birthday present he gave Eva. A photo of herself?! She can see a photo of herself on Instagram, Theodore. It wasn’t even a photo of the two of them together. I am sure there were worse possible gifts, but at the moment I cannot think of any.

That’s all I have for this week’s My View From Beyond the Gates column.

I’ll be tuning in and I’ll continue to share my thoughts on Beyond the Gates as long as you’re interested in reading them. Thank you for reading and, as always, please feel free to share your thoughts on my column or Beyond the Gates in the Comments section below.

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Life outside the gates

My former Two Scoops columnists Liz Masters and Tamilu have joined me here on my personal web site — and they are still writing about General Hospital. Check out Liz’s latest GH column, Lights. camera, action!

To read more thoughts, opinions, rants, and raves about daytime television, be sure to check out our Editorial section.

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