My View From Beyond the Gates: Good intentions and bad directions

There is a theory that alternate timelines exist based on decisions we make or decisions that we could have made. If that theory is correct, I’d bet that a lot of Beyond the Gates characters wish they could live in some of their alternate realities. Because the choices they’ve made definitely didn’t result in the outcomes they expected.

The road to hell, they say, is paved with good intentions. That sort of makes me wonder what the roads in Fairmont Crest are paved with. So many people thought they were doing the right thing… only to find out that they probably weren’t even in the same cul de sac as the right thing.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s start with the obvious. At least a half a dozen people thought they were doing the right thing by covering up what happened the night Martin’s car got a flat tire. How’d that work out? Then there is Chelsea helping a young woman with a head injury get to the hospital. Good Samaritan, right? Well, maybe not. Jacob wants to be the best crimefighter since Batman, but it seems like the only people he can find to arrest are the same ones he’d see at the Thanksgiving table. Then we have Eva wanting to share the gift of literacy with her lawyer friend. Instead, she’s the one who actually ended up getting read.

Let’s take a look at how so many people’s choose your own adventure stories have gone so terribly wrong.

I’m the captain fixer now

Martin’s secret loomed large over Beyond the Gates story for more than four months. Even though the secret is out, the story hasn’t gone away. It has simply changed shape and morphed into a bunch of different stories. I don’t know if the story is over over since way too many people now know what happened. If you can believe it, some Internet conspiracy theorists don’t trust that KKKenneth is really, most sincerely dead.

Nearly every other story on the canvas has been touched by “the secret.” As expected, it created even more of a rift in Nicole and Ted’s marriage. Hayley is worried that Bill is hiding something and Bill blew off Chelsea’s court case because he was “fixing” things. Naomi knows what went down, so that could pose trouble for her and Jacob. Martin and Smitty are living apart and the kids are looking for answers. Heck, it even looms large on Anita’s mind as she prepares for the Articulettes’ concert.

While I loved the Nicole versus Bill staredown, there was something that took me out of the moment. When Nicole snarled, “I am the fixer now,” all I could hear was Barkhad Abdi saying, “I’m the captain now” from the 2013 film Captain Phillips.

How to win friends and strangulate people

Nicole did give me a new idea about how to enter a room – shouting, “I never liked you!” When she barged into Bill’s house snarling that line, I laughed and laughed – then rewound so that I could laugh and laugh some more. Then the wheels got turning as I started making a mental list of all of the homes that I could visit and say the same thing.

A certain longtime soap opera journalist said on Twitter/X that she kind of wanted Nicole and Bill to have “rage sex.” I hadn’t considered that, but it would definitely be a soapy moment. I don’t see Beyond the Gates doing something like that because: one, Nicole is too principled and wouldn’t cheat; two, Nicole wouldn’t sleep with her sister’s ex-husband (even if Bill probably would); and three, I truly believe that Nicole hates Bill and no amount of yelling will make her nether regions want to see him in his legal briefs.

A lawyer afraid to use his words

The same cannot be said for Tomás. I’ve always found him kind of boring. He seemed very color-within-the-lines and wholesome. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I had some hope that’s he’d show some gumption back when Bill’s firm was sued for sexual harassment. I had this vision of whistleblower Tomás sending incriminating information to Naomi, but that never happened.

Now, I have a totally different opinion of Tomás. His willingness to have sex with his quasi-girlfriend’s half-sister is more than just a little ick. But his willingness to omit or fudge pertinent details about his relationship with Kat ruined the entirety of his supposed wholesomeness.

Kat and Tomás never discussed if they were “exclusive,” but Tomás claiming that he and Kat were not exclusive just to get into Eva’s pants (bra?) was decisively lawyery. “Your Honor, no such agreement of the minds was met, therefore Kat and I cannot be considered exclusive.” No, Tomás didn’t lie, but he wasn’t what I’d call truthful either. As Bill said to Chelsea after neglecting to handle her lawsuit in a timely manner: do not trust a lawyer.

Have you seen you?

What’s that sound? It’s the hypocrite alarm! As wrong as Tomás was, I actually like him with Eva more than I do with Kat– especially now that the guy has traded in his paragon of virtue card. Eva exists in a gray area (and apparently Tomás does, too.) She’s not an angel, but she’s nowhere near as devilish as Kat makes her out to be.

I liked that Eva and Tomás could talk to each other. Neither seems to have any friends. It was problematic that Tomás felt he could unload about all of the issues he has with Kat without having discussed them with Kat. To be fair, a lot of people talk to other people about their problems rather than actually addressing them.

Brava to Eva for not going through with doing the do with Tomás even though I am sure she wanted to.In my eyes, it showed that on some level, she still hopes to have at least a shot at a normal relationship with Kat.

Kat deserves someone as energetic and bubbly as herself. She deserves a Scooby to her Shaggy. I want Kat to have someone that she can talk to who is equally invested in her Katlock detectiving. Yeah, opposites attract, but that’s not what I want for Kat right now.

But despite my hopes and dreams for Kat, she went and gave herself to smooth talking Tomás.

Aren’t we a great couple of role models for our kids?

Eva and Kat will probably not be besties anytime soon, but I suspect that something will bring them together. What that is, I have no idea – but I am confident that it will happen. But trust me when I say that I have no delusions that they’ll be calling each other “Sissy.” Truth be told, as much as I’d like to see Kat and Eva bury the hatchet, they are more entertaining knowing that one of them might literally use a hatchet on the other.

That brings to us to the Dupree girls. I’m so glad that Dani and Nicole are back in a good place. I didn’t like that they were at odds – especially over something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that big of a deal. No, that is not intended to be a critique of Andre’s bits and pieces.

The two sisters catching up at the country club was like exhaling. It made me smile to have the two women wax on about Nicole’s encounter with Leslie at the diner. “My demure older sister brawling in front of witnesses? Oh, how I wish I’d seen this side of you when we were growing up!” Dani cooed. Nicole wasn’t proud of her behavior, but Dani offered an enthusiastic, “I am!” But that’s mostly because Dani liked the idea that she and her sister were even more alike than they knew.

The city of sisterly affection

But the true laugher of the conversation was Nicole lamenting about how exhausting it was to be so emotional and volatile. “You just need to build up your stamina,” Dani advised with a smile.

Another funny moment came earlier in the week. I laughed like a crazy person when Dani walked into her parents’ living room with a plate of cookies she’d found in the cook’s secret stash and Nicole vented, “More secrets!” Ma’am, people have kept an affair, a secret lovechild, a backwoods assault and a murder from you and your breaking point is a plate of chocolate chip cookies? And you didn’t even sample one? What do the people of Fairmont Crest have against baked goods? I demand an investigation!

Bette Davis crazy’s eyes

Something isn’t quite right with Allison. Last week I said she had too cups of crazy behind her eyes. I feel exactly the same way this week, but with some reservation.

When someone alleges having been abused by a spouse or partner, my first reaction is to believe them and figure out a way to keep that person safe. That’s exactly what Chelsea did for her former, um, “friend.” Where things get complicated is that Allison also doesn’t seem to understand that Chelsea has moved on.

Two things can be true at the same time: Allison can be involved in an abusive relationship and she can be a crazy stalker. That’s why I feel kind of bad that I believe Allison’s head injury might have been self-inflicted (or a true accident that happened while on her way to stalk Chelsea). Madison also clocked that Allison didn’t want the authorities launching an investigation into her injury.

On the devil’s advocate side, Allison could have suffered her injury at the hands of her husband. She might be worried that things could escalate if lawyers/the police get involved. She might be fearful that she has no place to go, or that her life would be harder trying to make it on her own. Those are all common reasons why people remain in abusive relationships.

Crazy love

So, what is Allison up to? I don’t know. I still believe she is trying to shoehorn her way back into Chelsea’s life. However, I don’t rule out that Allison might try to throw Madison down a well and take over her life (Bonus points if you understand the reference).

What I do know is that I like how Beyond the Gates doesn’t feel obligated to spoon-feed all of its story points to us. We don’t have to be shown Allison figuring out how to fake an injury or be told why Hayley is possibly lying about being pregnant.

Like in life, we often have no idea what’s going on around us. This is something of a new concept for soap opera viewers, and it’s resulted in claims that “the writers don’t know what they are doing.” No, we don’t know what the writers are doing. That’s a totally different thing. Honestly, I kinda like it.

Spicing up vanilla

Let’s me be honest: the Derek and Ashley coupling has been one of Beyond the Gates’ least successful pairings and stories. I’ve shared my back-and-forth like/dislike for them in previous columns. That said, adding Shanice into the mix has made this one of the most silly and entertaining parts of the show.

Derek has become infinitely more interesting since he started hanging out with Shanice. It seemed fairly obvious this week that while Derek might be maybe possibly interested in Shanice, he is still very much in love with Ashley. Shanice knows that and doesn’t seem to mind. She even offered her services to try to get the fireman and Ashley back together, noting, “This could be the start of a very fun something.”

The other half the jealousy square is a total dud. Ashley and Andre have absolutely no romantic chemistry. Still, it was hilariously cringey to watch her try to match Shanice’s jealousy-inducing antics. Shanice even called Ashley on it by saying, “I don’t think I ever heard you whisper that loudly.” Ma’am, you are in over your head.

We can’t turn back the clock, but we can start over

Well, at least the Articulettes are back together – or they were as of the time I posted this column. With these women things can change at the drop of a hat.

It was a gutsy move for Sharon and Tracy to show up at Anita’s door unannounced – especially after Anita left Chicago without so much as a goodbye. “It’s almost as if I didn’t want to speak to you,” Anita dinged. Thankfully, Vernon had a folksy anecdote to get the women to recite their cumbersome “Articulettes strong” mantra.

I think I am amused by Sharon the most because she is the one who refuses to bow down to Anita. But it was Tracy who made it clear she would kneel because, as she said, “I only kneel for Jesus.” I hope these ladies still have the skills to back up all of the attitude!

A bunch of weeks ago, I grumbled that I would be highly disappointed if we didn’t get an Articulette’s concert. Well, it looks like we are. I am still not sure when these women were supposed to be at the height of their success because the song that Anita was rehearsing to sounded very contemporary.

Who do you think the Articulettes are modeled after? The Supremes? The Pointer Sisters? Love Unlimited? The Three Degrees? I’d love to hear your thoughts so that I know I am not alone in my quest for answers.

What color is her money?

June is still very much an enigma to me. While I know that mental health issues are disproportionately prevalent among homeless populations, there didn’t seem to be any clear indication that June might suffer from one. Anything that could be viewed as an indicator has been grounded in reality.

Yes, June definitely suffers from anxiety issues, but that seems to go hand-in-hand with being unhoused. Yes, June has a distrust of the system, but when the cops harass you and city officials toss all of your worldly goods into the trash, I’d say that distrust is justified.

June was sharp enough to use an As the World Turns reference to try to get over on Nicole and Naomi. So it was puzzling when, at Orphey Gene’s, June decided that she could pay the bill with an assortment of colorful cash. Was June unaware that foreign currency would not be accepted in the DMV? Did she not know the money wasn’t legal U.S. tender?

Who’s that girl?

We know that the phone number scribbled on June’s precious photo belongs to her sister, a sister that doesn’t want anything to do with her. Why? That we don’t know. If June did something as a result of a mental health crisis, it would make sense that her sibling wanted nothing more to do with her.

There is all sorts of speculation about June on social media. A common theory was that June’s sister would turn out to be Hayley. That seems to have been shot down now that Hayley and June both ended up in the diner and neither recognized the other.

Another theory suggests that Hayley is one of the kids in June’s photograph. That would explain why the two didn’t recognize each other. Still another theory has Tyrell and Samantha being the kids in June’s photo. That’s the theory that I subscribed to, but now that seems a little too… neat.

Justice doesn’t take last names

I love that the Internet is torn about Jacob – because I am, too. I appreciate that he is committed to doing his job and to applying the law to everyone equally. That’s a refreshing change in today’s ofttimes Bizarro World. However, his constant pursuit of members of his extended family is baffling. At times, it’s almost as if he wants to have a whole Dupree prison wing at the local jail.

I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he just wants to know the truth so that he can find a way to keep his family out of trouble. If he knows the deed, he can take steps to protect everyone… which oddly would make him more like Marcel Malone than he’d probably like to be.

How do you solve a problem like Jacob?

The good news is that it seems like Jacob exists in a vacuum. Outside of partner Malone and daddy police chief, I think Jacob has only had interaction with one other person at in the force (the forensics guy who helped analyze the video of Laura’s motorcycle attacker). It would seem likely that Jacob hasn’t shared any of what he knows with any other cop. Assuming there actually are other cops on the force. We see them walking around in the background, but we’ve yet to meet any of them.

I hate to say this, but after Naomi told Vernon and Anita to prepare for their secret to come out, I thought of an easy fix. Get rid of Jacob. If he is the only loose end in the matter and the only person who even seems to be investigating anything, then Jacob has to go. He doesn’t have to be “robbed” in the park. He can be transferred to the police force in Bora Bora or somewhere equally remote.

Beyond the Gates Speed Round

Here are some rapid fire thoughts about some of the other action from the week gone by.

Century city

Next week, Beyond the Gates will broadcast its 100^th episode. The number might seem miniscule compared to the other four soaps that have been on the air for decades (General Hospital is on its way to episode 16,000), but the milestone is still worth celebrating.

For informational purposes, Seinfeld didn’t reach 100 episodes until midway through its sixth (of nine) seasons. Long-running sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live hit the mark at the end of its fifth season. Meet the Press, television’s longest-running program, needed two calendar years to get to the century mark.

I don’t expect the 100^th episode milestone to garner any praise from the entertainment community at large. I don’t expect Hollywood to suddenly welcome its red-headed stepchild into the fold with open arms.

What I would like to see, however, is an acknowledgement that those in the soap opera industry work their butts off. A primetime soap gets accolades for taking five years – with summers off and bigger budgets! – to get to 100 episodes. It would be nice to see someone say, “I don’t know how you do it. I know we couldn’t.”

Show me the baby

Who did Hayley call? We’ve been told that Hayley is an orphan with no other family and no real friends. Based on the way she talked to the person on the phone – “Are you okay? Do you need anything?” — it wasn’t a bill collector or fraudulent card services scammer.

I have this weird suspicion based on nothing in particular that the person on the other end of the call is pregnant. I haven’t exactly figured out where things go next. Since Hayley made mention that her belly will soon start to grow, I have to suspect that she will be wearing padding to fake her supposed pregnancy.

Another thought, though even more out there, is that we will learn at some point that Hayley is unable to carry a pregnancy to term and hired a surrogate. Whether or not the baby is Bill and Hayley’s… that becomes a more complicated explanation… one that I’m not ready to type about yet.

The kids are alright

Tyrell and Samantha have gotten a lot of criticism over their decisions to invite a stranger into their home and to talk to a stranger in the park. The fact that they figured out that their dads are not telling them the whole story does lead me to believe that there’s still hope for them. Of course, I strongly suspect that their inquisitiveness is going to cause even more trouble.

Project runway

Pamadonna (That’s my working name for Pamela and her odd Madonna-esque accent) was back and up to her old tricks. She managed to talk Dani into modeling again, although I suspect that contract with lots of zeroes helped just a little bit. I was tickled by the Beyonce box fan that Pamela brought along for the windblown effect.

Lines of the week

The Beyond the Gates writing team is once again having a little too much fun. Here are some of the lines of dialogue that tickled my funny bone or that I found memorable over the past week (and haven’t already been mentioned in this column).

“It’s been a minute since I’ve flexed this flirt game. It’s cardio for the soul.” — Shanice

“We’re not perfect people, but we’re also not the enemy.” — Dani to Nicole

“It’s not like girls are banging their heads against the sidewalk to get to me.” — Chelsea to Madison

“I’m ready to pull out the emergency breakup kit.” — Martin to Kat

“You don’t need any of my father’s fairy dust.” — Nicole, during a lull in the tongue lashing she gave to Bill

“It’s not as if we weren’t going to drink the whole bottle anyway” — Pam as she and Dani toasted good news that Pam had yet to share.

That’s all I have for this week’s My View From Beyond the Gates column.

I’ll be tuning in and I’ll continue to share my thoughts on Beyond the Gates as long as you’re interested in reading them. Thank you for reading and, as always, please feel free to share your thoughts on my column or Beyond the Gates in the Comments section below.

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Life outside the gates

My former Two Scoops columnists Liz Masters and Tamilu have joined me here on my personal web site — and they are still writing about General Hospital. Liz is on deck with week with a new column called, It’s a nice day for a doomed wedding.

To read more thoughts, opinions, rants, and raves about daytime television, be sure to check out our Editorial section.

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