{"id":6183,"date":"2026-09-04T23:44:00","date_gmt":"2026-09-05T03:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/?p=6183"},"modified":"2026-09-05T00:05:55","modified_gmt":"2026-09-05T04:05:55","slug":"my-view-from-beyond-the-gates-we-will-get-our-happily-ever-after","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/my-view-from-beyond-the-gates-we-will-get-our-happily-ever-after\/","title":{"rendered":"My View From Beyond the Gates: We Will Get Our Happily Ever After"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Everybody loves a fairytale ending, but soaps, much like life, don’t often have a happy ending. And it’s looking more and more likely that someone on the canvas might have a very unhappy ending. A Beyond the Gates commentary by Soap Central founder Dan J Kroll for the week ending September 4, 2026.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Boy meets girl. Life happens and boy and girl are pulled apart. Life continues<\/em> to happen, but boy and girl are reunited and everyone lives happily ever after. That plot device might work in rom-coms and animated fairytales, but in the real world? Yeah, not so much. On the soaps? Definitely not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a soap, happy couples are often called boring couples. No one wants to watch a couple argue over leaving socks on the bathroom floor. That’s not good soap. And having a couple remain happy and drama-free isn’t much better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s a paradoxical relationship that fans have with their stories. They watch day after day to see their favorite couple fall in love, all the while knowing that doing so could be the end of that pair’s screentime. Soap writers have often come to the conclusion that happy couples have no story and summarily written those couples out. Others have decided that happy couples need more drama and excitement and… insert former lover, unknown child, incurable disease, or some other soapy trope here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s not just happy couples that have expiration dates. Villains do, too. And so do innocent bystanders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t have time to read the entire Beyond the Gates<\/strong><\/strong> column? You can now stream an audio\/podcast version of this commentary \u2014 complete with off-script silliness, bloopers, interviews, and more. And it\u2019s totally free to download or stream. SPOTIFY<\/a><\/strong> | APPLE MUSIC<\/a><\/strong> | AMAZON MUSIC<\/a><\/strong> | iHEART RADIO<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heather Armstrong: Everything Everywhere All At Once<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I suppose it should come as no surprise that the guy who holed up in a hotel room for months and didn\u2019t try to save his marriage would also give terrible advice to others. I honestly have no idea what Ted was trying to say when he encouraged Andre to give Heather what she wanted. Sir, what?!<\/em> He then followed it up with a verbal asterisk that advised Andre not to do anything that would be against his marriage vows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sir, what?!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heather wants to have sex with Andre. Using Ted logic, Andre should\u2026 have sex with Heather in a way that doesn\u2019t go against his wedding vows. If this was possible, I suspect that a whole lot of people would be signing up for Ted\u2019s Ted Talk on faithful infidelity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heatherton? Carleather?<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Whether or not Andre gives into temptation remains to be seen. Heather, on the other hand (the one that she didn\u2019t cut with a knife), got her itch scratched by someone other than Andre. I am not sure if there was more to it than that. Is Heather looking to date? Did she know who Carlton was even though she claimed not to? Let\u2019s face it: Heather is incredibly crafty and seems to always be two or three moves ahead of everyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s entirely possible that she recognized Carlton and saw getting close to him as a way to further her agenda. Carlton had absolutely no idea who he was, um, messing with. I\u2019m not sure that it would have mattered. Even after Nicole told him that Heather was Joey\u2019s sister and Andre issued a warning about dealing with someone with the last name \u201cArmstrong,\u201d Carlton remained unconcerned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of me immediately thought \u201cWell, then you get what you deserve.\u201d I mean, two people warned him to be careful. To be fair, Nicole\u2019s opinion could be seen as biased for a number of reasons. Her lack of trust in Joey and perhaps not wanting to see Carlton move on with another woman so soon are just two that come to mind. Still, it reminded me of something that happened many moons ago. A friend asked if the bunny I had at the time bit. I warned that she did. The friend laughed and attempted to pet the bunny. You have probably already figured out that the rabbit bit my friend and they were shocked that they\u2019d gotten bit. It’s not like I didn’t warn them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kill \u2018Em With Kindness<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

I do believe that Carlton might be barreling toward danger even if he believes that Heather is \u201csoft and delicate.\u201d Actually, it\u2019s probably because<\/em> he believes that. He is completely unaware that the call is coming from inside the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not just him. Heather is able to hide in plain sight because she\u2019s a seemingly an unassuming white woman of a certain age. Heather is right: Everyone automatically assumes that the Impaler has<\/em> to be a man. Look at tea-spilling June. She pretty much told Heather everything that she needs to know in order to get close to those that are threatening her Impire (that\u2019s my cute attempt at combining Impaler<\/em> and Empire<\/em>). Thanks to June, I am now worried about the safety of half the characters on the show. There are also a couple that I think are in danger, but I don\u2019t necessary spend my days worrying about them. Sorry, Grayson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aside from the fact that June did not hear me screaming on the other side of the television for her to shut up, the June\/Heather scenes were so good. Ashley Jones has really been able to breathe life into the words that appear on the pages of her script. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because I\u2019ve never seen her in a role like Heather or if she is just choosing to go all-in on a juicy character, but this is by far the best work of Jones\u2019 career.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Impaler or Imposter?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

As a random aside, something came up in a conversation that I had on social media. After watching Heather slice her hand, I tweeted that Heather was \u201ccuckoo for cocoa puffs.\u201d Among the replies was one from Louisa Nuckolls who said<\/a><\/strong>, \u201cAnd yet, there are still people who don\u2019t believe that she\u2019s The Impaler.\u201d That got me thinking. Up until that point, we didn\u2019t really have any proof<\/em> that Heather was the Impaler. She said she was. Joey believed she was. But where was the hard proof? That would have left the door open for Heather to just be a delusional wannabe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later in the week, though, Heather was on the phone discussing how red market operations across the country were falling apart. That seemed<\/em> to squash that theory like a bug. Then I got to thinking again. Yeah, I know. I\u2019ve done way too much thinking this week. We also saw Lia and Ren talking on phones and neither one of them were the big boss. So maybe there is still some wiggle room to un-Impale Heather if needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, there is also the possibility that Heather will be impaled\u2026 shot, stabbed, bludgeoned, or offed in some other way. I\u2019ve spent so much time fixated on who Heather might kill next that I almost didn\u2019t even think about the possibility that Heather might be the one to meet her maker. If Heather\u2019s secret alter ego becomes public, there are quite a few Fairmont Crestors that might want to see her \u201cpay.\u201d And if Heather keeps doing naughty things, that list of suspects could grow by the time any murder might happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kill Bill: The Extended Cut<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There is only one suspect in the Kill Bill saga: Hayley. I know that a lot of viewers are ready for this slow-acting poison storyline to wrap up, but I\u2019m enjoying it. One of the things I am enjoying most is watching Hayley have to fix her face when she prematurely celebrates Bill\u2019s death. This woman has just one thing on her wish list \u2013 and the universe is conspiring to make sure she never gets it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was absolutely convinced that Bill\u2019s collapse \u2013 excuse me: Wee-Bill\u2019s wobble until he fell down \u2013 was some sort of plot on his part. I thought maybe he wanted to see what Hayley would do if she found him unconscious on the ground. In my head, I expected Hayley to call Randy and tell him the \u201cgood\u201d news while still hovering near Bill’s body. The camera would zoom in on Bill\u2019s face and reveal him opening his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I remembered that we saw Bill with fuzzy vision before his collapse, so there went the theory that he was on to Hayley\u2019s antics. On top of that, I guess he really didn\u2019t have any reason to make the leap from \u201cHayley is cheating on me\u201d to \u201cHayley is trying to kill me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Little Miss Can Go Wrong<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Still, Hayley is sloppy. She seems to be using a traditional text message program on her phone to message Randy. If there were ever any questions surrounding Bill\u2019s death, Hayley would be the first person the police investigated. It\u2019s almost always the spouse. She\u2019s made some questionably timed calls and sending \u201cit\u2019s done done\u201d the minute Bill supposedly dropped dead is not the best look for a not guilty plea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On top of that, Randy showing up at Bill and Hayley\u2019s house was also not a smart move. I don\u2019t care that he took the bike path and managed to evade all of the security cameras. Randy seems like the kind of guy who takes pride in his appearance, so I\u2019d imagine he wears some sort of scented body spray or cologne. Bill easily could have smelled his presence when he returned home unexpectedly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also: If Hayley doesn\u2019t want to be caught poisoning Bill, why does she always seem to lace his food and beverage options in public places? For example, when she doused his sandwich \u2013 that Naomi later ate \u2013 with poison, why did she wait until she got back to Bill\u2019s office to do the deed? Wouldn\u2019t it have been better to do it in her car before getting back to the office? Or, if she walked, in the park?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s An App For That<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

It looks like Hayley might finally be able to permanently tuck her bottle of poison into her bosom. Thanks to Bill\u2019s sudden realization that he forgot to register his pacemaker to the pacemaker app, I suspect there might be some new high-tech way for Hayley to try to off her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back in 2007, the U.S. government feared that malicious actors could hack into Vice President Dick Cheney\u2019s pacemaker and kill him. The FDA says there has never been a documented case of someone hijacking a pacemaker\u2019s wireless signal for nefarious purposes, but the agency doesn\u2019t deny that it\u2019s possible<\/em> for that to happen. Hayley might have a hacker in her con job Rolodex. If so, maybe the hacker can fiddle with the pacemaker app and zap Bill into oblivion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Has Joey \u201cDoug\u201d His Own Grave?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Beyond the Gates<\/em> has been very good at marking anniversaries and milestones. I suppose it\u2019s easier when a show has only been on the air for a short time, but it\u2019s still nice to have things acknowledged on-screen. It would have been a major oversight to not address the one-year anniversary of Doug\u2019s death in story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doug McBride wasn\u2019t a major character, but his death was still an important moment \u2013 and not just because it was the first Beyond the Gates<\/em> death. Doug\u2019s death looms large over Vanessa\u2019s relationships with Joey and Deanna. Vanessa has rebuilt her life, unaware that the man she built it with had a hand in her late husband\u2019s death. Vanessa\u2019s bond with Deanna has frayed because of Vanessa\u2019s new relationship and because Deanna misses her father terribly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So far, Joey has managed to keep his hands-off role in Doug\u2019s death a secret. It did not, however, take Heather very long to figure out that Joey was involved. Will she keep her brother\u2019s secret\u2026 or is it only a matter of time before Heather blabs and blows up Joey’s world?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plausible Deniability<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

We have all assumed that Joey was responsible for Doug\u2019s death. I\u2019m not saying that he wasn\u2019t, but I am open to the possibility that the Beyond the Gates<\/em> writers left enough of an opening to allow Joey to wiggle his way out of trouble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joey was in Puerto Rico with Vanessa when Doug died. We saw him make a call to have some sort of plan put into motion. Doug was plied with alcohol and developed a really bad case of double vision. Then, Marcel \u201chelped\u201d Doug outside. The security video from the VIP room was altered to remove any and all traces of wrongdoing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where the wiggling begins. What if Marcel simply put Doug in his car and told him to drive home? Still a horrible thing to do, but not the murderous theory that I know I initially crafted in my head. Or what if Marcel went rogue and went above and beyond what Joey had initially planned? That would mean that Joey hasn\u2019t really been lying when he\u2019s insisted that he didn\u2019t have Doug killed. And, there is always the possibility that Doug isn\u2019t really dead\u2026 but that\u2019s a whole other can of worms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pouring Some Down the Throat For The Homie<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

We all grieve in our own way, but it was a little jarring to see Randy marking the one-year anniversary of Doug McBride dying in a DUI crash by having a bunch of drinks at the bar… and then preparing to drive. I suppose he could have been taking an Uber or the Metro, but Randy doesn’t seem like an Uber kinda guy to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sandbagged<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The ChelseaKat saga took another twist and it proved that you\u2019re damned if you do and damned if you don\u2019t. Chelsea and Kat pulled out of the Fashion Week activities in Tokyo because of the fears that their partner has been using sweatshops to manufacture its garments. They made no statement about why they pulled out because saying anything could create a legal headache.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, the Internet is torching ChelseaKat for pulling out of the fashion show. Blog posts are calling the company inexperienced, rude, and all sorts of other things. They still can\u2019t say anything about why they backed out of the event, so they just have to sort of sit back and let their reputation be tarnished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s Make This All About Me<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

I was in a similar situation when I sold — and ultimately resigned from — \u201cthe soap site.\u201d I was initially not permitted to make any sort of statement about selling the web site out of concern that it could harm the business. Then the transaction became public and various sites raced to post stories about it even though the information they were reporting was incorrect. And I couldn’t say a thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I made the decision to walk away from \u201cthe soap site,\u201d I wanted to make a statement about why I was choosing to step away, but I was threatened with the possibility of legal action if anything I said could remotely be interpreted as being negative toward the new owner. So, I said nothing and watched as the Internet speculated about why I had chosen to step away. Some of the Internet sleuthing deduced that I had died or was dying. Spoiler alert: I didn\u2019t and, by the grave of God, I’m still chugging along healthwise. Another theory was that I had gone into serious debt. My bunny does have expensive tastes, but not that<\/em> expensive. One particularly wild theory that tickled me for some reason was that I really hated soaps and wanted nothing to do with them. I think writing this column, which I do just for fun, debunks that one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, I was given some latitude to say something<\/em> and I hurriedly filmed a totally unrehearsed video that is still pinned to the top of my Twitter feed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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While I cannot yet say all the things that I want to say, I wanted to share a video that I made about two months ago when I decided that it was time for me to step back from Soap Central. It is unedited, unscripted, raw, but heartfelt.https:\/\/t.co\/DulZRGqG8r<\/a><\/p>— Dan J Kroll (@DanJKroll) August 8, 2024<\/a><\/blockquote>