{"id":3563,"date":"2025-10-25T11:11:05","date_gmt":"2025-10-25T15:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/?p=3563"},"modified":"2025-10-25T11:32:39","modified_gmt":"2025-10-25T15:32:39","slug":"my-view-from-beyond-the-gates-keeping-score-of-poor-life-choices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/my-view-from-beyond-the-gates-keeping-score-of-poor-life-choices\/","title":{"rendered":"My View From Beyond the Gates: Keeping Score of Poor Life Choices"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Keeping Score of Poor Life Choices: A Beyond the Gates commentary by Soap Central founder Dan J Kroll for the week ending October 24, 2025.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I will admit that I wanted to call this week’s column, “Where Do Broken Hards Go?” But at the risk of upsetting the Whitney Houston estate and Google’s naughty language filters, I decided to pivot. A backup choice, “Broken Hearts and Broken Penises,” was also rejected for similar reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There wasn’t a lot of major plot advancement this past week on Beyond the Gates<\/em>, which I assume is mostly because we are inching closer to November. Typically November, February, and May are months that have the buzziest developments on the soaps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still, there was a drunken outburst, mystery men, love (in an elevator) in the afternoon, attempted murder, and… something else. What was it? Oh, right! It was…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katlock and the Curious Case of the Broken Penis<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
While it wasn\u2019t anything that shifted story, Kat and Tom\u00e1s\u2019 romantic mishap was really the gift that kept on giving. It sort of gave the other stories the shaft. It might have gotten a rise out of some viewers, but I hope they didn’t go off half-cocked on the story because I found it amusing. I’d say this story is a rock-solid member of the funniest storylines of all-time club. As punishment for all these silly puns I should probably be sent off to a penal colony somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ahem. Anyway.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katherine Richardson isn\u2019t the first woman to break a man\u2019s penis. She won\u2019t be the last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a plot point that will probably be little more than a blip in the history of Beyond the Gates, <\/em>Kat and Tom\u00e1s\u2019 sex accident (sexident?) was one of the funniest, most risqu\u00e9 things to ever grace a soap opera. To be fair, when Shanice asked Kat about the nature of Tom\u00e1s\u2019 injury, I wasn\u2019t even sure that they were going to say the word \u201cpenis.\u201d So once \u201cpenis\u201d came out of Kat\u2019s mouth, I knew we needed to strap in and get ready for a, um, bumpy ride.<\/p>\n\n\n\nGross Anatomy: Kat believes she’s broken Tomas’ penis | Beyond the Gates<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve seen a similar story told on \u2013 you guessed it! \u2013 Grey\u2019s Anatomy, <\/em>and interestingly enough, it, too, was also treated with a great deal of levity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What made the situation funnier to me was that the accident found life outside of the hospital. That all came thanks to Martin encountering Kat at the hospital. When a panicked Kat asked her brother, \u201cHave you ever broken Smitty\u2019s penis?\u201d I laughed and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more. I also rewound at least a few times to rewatch it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How funny is it that the first test for Martin\u2019s not-keeping-any-secrets-from-my-husband pledge was about Tom\u00e1s\u2019 member mishap? After Martin shared the news, the married couple tried to segue to some sexytimes of their own. That led to what is now my leading contender for line of the year: Martin saying, \u201cI have broken penises dancing in my head.\u201d I wonder what song they\u2019d dance to. Probably something from the Nutcracker Suite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Andre the Shy-ant<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve been a fan of Andre since he breezed onto the scene back in February. I\u2019ve always bought into the narrative that he was some playboy celebrity photographer and have never once believed that he\u2019s been up to anything nefarious. Since he\u2019s inherited a boatload of money from his parents\u2019 death, I\u2019ve never had any reason to think that he is some sort of male version of Hayley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That said, I\u2019ve started to question if I\u2019ve misjudged Andre. According to Bill\u2019s private investigator Keegan, Andre dramatically changed his live out loud ways about a year ago. He\u2019s avoided having his picture taken and seems to have adopted a much lower profile. But why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I refuse to believe that Andre is one of the bad guys \u2013 we already have a canvas full of questionable characters. (I\u2019m looking at you, LSD, Hayley, and Joey!) The only other option, I guess, is that Andre is a good guy. I wonder if Andre captured some sort of criminal activity in one of his photographs.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBill Hamilton’s private investigator Keegan finds out that Andre might be hiding something. | Beyond the Gates<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
If you recall, the show made a bunch of mentions about how odd it was that Andre wanted to stay in one place. While it might be weird that he wanted to settle down, I don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything strange about choosing to settle down in a major metropolitan area. It\u2019s not like Andre decided to set up shop in Bismarck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If Andre is trying to hide from someone, it would make sense that he wouldn\u2019t want to be the face of a huge ad campaign for Forrester Creations. On the other hand, Andre didn\u2019t flip out of his drunken Vegas photo going viral.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If Andre isn\u2019t hiding, then I struggle to think of why he would reject being in a high-profile ad campaign with his wife. Is he already married to someone else? A less likely scenario would be that Andre isn\u2019t the real Andre \u2013 he\u2019s a look-alike. That doesn\u2019t strike me as something that Beyond the Gates <\/em>would seemingly want to tackle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not-Yet-Married to the Mob<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
I know that Beyond the Gates<\/em> is a soap opera and that happiness is rarely everlasting on the soaps, but I don\u2019t think Vanessa wanting to be Joey\u2019s \u201cpartner in every way\u201d is going to end well for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am trying to figure out why she is so hellbent on leveling up her relationship with Joey. Part of me thinks that she feels she has to move forward with Joey to rationalize her behavior toward Doug in his final days. If she were to break things off with Joey, it would heighten the feelings of pain and guilt she has for not being there for Doug when he allegedly got behind the wheel drunker than a skunk. A relationship with Joey absolves her, at least in her mind, of any wrongdoing. That\u2019s why she is determined to make her situationship with Joey as real as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What\u2019s interesting here is that\u2026 wait. Do you hear something? Is it\u2026? IT IS! \ud83d\udea8 It\u2019s the hypocrite alarm!!!<\/strong> \ud83d\udea8<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For as much as I know that Vanessa is setting herself up for heartbreak, there is a part of me that really wants to see Lauren Buglioli (Vanessa McBride) get to play a mob princess. Her transformation from ditzy real estate agent to ruthless mobster would be absolutely epic. In the twisted fantasy I have crafted in my mind, Vanessa goes on to love the power that comes with being at Joey\u2019s side. She loves it so much that she eventually realizes that she doesn\u2019t need Joey\u2026 and Joey ends up in a ditch or at the bottom of the Potomac wearing cement shoes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Beyond the Gates Speed Round<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Here are some of the other things on Beyond the Gates<\/em> that have me thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Drop It Like It\u2019s Hot<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Hayley is getting a little sloppy with her plot to kill Bill. Randy advised her to slowly dose Bill with whatever poison she\u2019s using. And her first bit of tainted love saw her using a single drop of the potion. As her frustration grew, Hayley decided to move at warp speed and started using a whole lot of drops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She\u2019s also getting careless with her lies. She got caught three times lying about Caroline needing a file. Now Hayley is calling Caroline all sorts of names. Caroline isn\u2019t dumb, so I am surprised that she hasn\u2019t caught on to her BFF Hayley\u2019s weird behavior. Or maybe she has and we just haven\u2019t seen in on-screen. Is there a chance that Hayley might have to \u201chandle\u201d Caroline?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the previews for next week \u2013 and this is not<\/em><\/strong> a spoiler so you can continue reading without fear of getting spoiled \u2013 Leslie again makes a pitch that she and Hayley should work together. Leslie might regret opening her mouth if Hayley ends up learning about how much money LSD (that\u2019s Leslie\/Sherry\/Dana for new readers) has in her trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHayley Hamilton goes a little crazy with the poison in her efforts to kill Bill | Beyond the Gates<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Serving Up the Truth<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
June has said a lot of outlandish things since we\u2019ve first met her, but she finally spoke her truest truth: tomato on a grilled cheese is a crime against humanity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve come to enjoy June. I am not sure if I like how quickly she was insinuated back into Tyrell and Samantha\u2019s lives, but I am glad that she is still respectful of the relationship that the kids have with their fathers. I had some momentary worry that June was going to try to yank them away from Martin and Smitty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Speaking of the Richardson-Smith family\u2026 there was a lot of finger wagging and writer backlash last week that Eva was not invited to Martin and Smitty\u2019s impromptu vow renewal. Well, gun jumpers, it was not<\/em> an oversight or sloppy writing. The show addressed Eva\u2019s absence this week by saying that Smitty was in charge of the invitations\u2026 and Smitty is not a fan of Eva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the most real storylines on the soaps at the moment is Naomi and Jacob\u2019s baby-related marital strife. It\u2019s something that isn\u2019t really talked about on daytime much \u2013 and when it is, it\u2019s typically the man in the relationship not wanting kids or being \u201ctrapped\u201d in a relationship by a pregnancy. What makes it more fascinating to watch is that Jacob and Naomi agreed to not have any kids before<\/em> they got married. I think that\u2019s more believable than having a couple randomly confront the topic after being together for years and for us to be forced to believe that they\u2019d never discussed the matter before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Izaiah with a Z<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Izaiah\u2019s arrival in town sure has been eventful. He\u2019s managed to break two pens (Take that, Kat!), flirt, and have a family reunion all in the course of a couple of episodes. I wish I had avoided the casting spoiler about who he was (or that the casting spoiler didn\u2019t reveal who he was) because it would have been fun to try to figure it out on my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some quick first impressions. David Lami Friebe is fun to look at and the idea of Izaiah (a name that my autocorrect absolutely hates) and Eva as a couple is kind of fire. Friebe has a lot of the newcomer exuberance, so I look forward to seeing what happens when he settles into the role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
LSD Overdose<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
For as much as I love Leslie, I am afraid that she\u2019s becoming\u2026 a bit much. LSD is edging away from good soap villain and becoming more of a cartoon character. I think some of it might be the choices made in the delivery of lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know that if Freud were alive, he\u2019d script a 5-part true crime Hulu series about Leslie, but since he\u2019s not\u2026 we\u2019re all left to mull over why she is the way she is on our own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are obvious abandonment issues at play, but you think that LSD would at least be nice to the woman who raised her. But I feel as if Peaches\u2019 light shines a little less brightly now that she knows who her biological mom is and why she was given up. It\u2019s like a grown-up version of what Samantha is going through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also, where exactly<\/em> is Leslie’s new house? It was said to be across the street from the Dupree home, so why does it seem like her construction crews are on all sides of the Dupree house?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bold Barbara and Beyond<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I really enjoyed seeing Dani and Joey banter and bet at Orphey Gene\u2019s. Despite them both having lengthy runs in daytime, this was the first meaningful scene between Karla Mosley and Jon Lindstrom. I really, really liked it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
** Mosley got her start on Guiding Light<\/em> in 2008 and also had a stop on The Bold and the Beautiful<\/em>. Lindstrom made his daytime debut on Santa Barbara<\/em> in 1985 and has had stops on General Hospital<\/em>, Port Charles<\/em>, and As the World Turns<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was also fun to have Ridge Forrester and Dani talk on the phone. Thorsten Kaye and Karla Mosley shared many a scene when Karla was playing Maya Avant on B&B.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Doctor Strangelove<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I understand Madison being annoyed at her mother\u2019s \u201cwoo-woo\u201d ways. (Chelsea and) I find it amusing, but it\u2019s easier to be amused when it\u2019s not your<\/em> mother putting her trust in tarot cards and moon water. I do think it\u2019s definitely over the line for Willow, Madison\u2019s mom, to claim that Madison cosigns with some of her \u201cout there\u201d beliefs \u2013 especially if it threatens to compromise her career. That said, I will admit that I choose my doctors based on their willingness to use holistic and natural approaches in addition to the more traditional medicine methods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why would Chelsea ask her followers for their opinion if she had no intention of listening to what a whopping 71% of those followers had to say? I don’t see anything good coming from Chelsea reaching out to Ms. Willow Moonwater<\/s> Montgomery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Livin\u2019 It Up When I\u2019m Going Down<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Anita and Vernon cavorting like a bunch of horny teenagers was some sort of weird funny\/TMI hybrid. I shifted nervously on the sofa when Vernon cooed, “Because after all these years, a jealous Anita Dupree is the biggest turn on I know.” Seconds later I was laughing because Anita clarified that she wasn’t jealous. “This is my annoyed face. Can’t you tell?” she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Honestly, it would have been hilarious to have had someone walk in on them getting frisky in the elevator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Name Game<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I love that the dean of Banneker is named \u201cDean Dansby.\u201d I assume that is a nod to television writer and director Susan Dansby, who currently serves as a script editor on Beyond the Gates<\/em>. It\u2019s at least the third wink at the fourth wall. If you recall, the author that Tom\u00e1s and Eva both love is Carl Ivati, a nod to writer Ron Carlivati. And, of course, Orphey Gene’s was named in honor of series creator Michele Val Jean’s mom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lines of the Week<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
The Beyond the Gates<\/em> writing team seems to be having a little too much fun. Here are some of the lines of dialogue that tickled my funny bone or that I found memorable over the past week (and haven’t already mentioned in this column).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Is there ever a right time to break someone’s penis?”<\/strong> — Kat<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You break it, you bought it”<\/strong> — Tom\u00e1s to Kat as he somehow found humor in his erectile mishap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Get me out of here before I make the evening news.” <\/strong>— Dani to hubby Andre when she spotted Leslie sitting across the dining room at the country club.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“This bizarre dalliance qualifies as a five-alarm fire of poor judgement<\/strong>.” — Dani describing to Joey his relationship with Vanessa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your much-ness is who you are.”<\/strong> — Parental wisdom from June.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Your righteousness settings are maxed out. Take the cape off, Superman.<\/strong>” — Derek to Jacob, sounding like some Gen-Z gamer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I have broken penises dancing in my head.<\/strong>” — Martin, and yes, this is the first time a quote has appeared twice in my column. It’s just so<\/em> funny that I had to include it again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Follow my Random Acts of Dan<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
That’s all I have for this week’s My View From Beyond the Gates column. Thank you for reading and, as always, please feel free to share your thoughts on my column or Beyond the Gates<\/em> in the Comments section below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"Gross](\"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/241025-03.jpg\")
![\"Bill](\"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/241025-01.jpg\")
![\"Hayley](\"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/241025-02.jpg\")