Sex is natural and it should<\/em> be fun, but that hasn’t been the case for some of the residents of Fairmont Crest. Sex with Tom\u00e1s is apparently less fun than playing Wordle. For Kat’s daddy, though, sex with Leslie sure seemed to be fun. It was the afterglow that didn’t quite have the shine. Vanessa and Doug’s sex life is more been there, done that, so Vanessa set to do just about everyone else. Then there’s Samantha for who making love is only a dream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s time to take an in-depth look at the secret mating habits of the residents of Fairmont Crest. Plus, I’ve got a whole lot of other observations about those wacky residents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n An interesting conversation has been had on social media about the implications of drunken sex on daytime drama series. Was Ted alert and aware enough to be able to give consent to sex with Leslie?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The general consensus has been that the narrative of the story would have been entirely different had Ted had sex with a drunken Leslie. The writers were very quick to work Ted admitting that he knew what was going on into the dialogue, but Ted was d-r-u-n-k when Leslie showed up at his door. According to Maryland law, a person is considered legally unable to consent to sex if they are too intoxicated by alcohol\/drugs to understand the nature of the act or to give a reasoned judgment about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Regardless of the legal definition, daytime takes a decidedly different tone when a man is impaired. Don\u2019t believe me? Check out Luna and Will\u2019s story that is currently playing out on The Bold and the Beautiful.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course, the Ted\/LSD (that\u2019s Leslie\/Sherry\/Dana to the uninitiated) sex romp happened just as everyone was encouraging Nicole to consider giving Ted another chance. Wait\u2026 what\u2019s that sound? Could it be? It is! It\u2019s the hypocrite alarm!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I applaud Ted for owning up to his \u201cmistake,\u201d but I kind of wanted him to lie. Yes, I know that lying is bad, but I really want Nicole and Ted to work out their differences. If you don\u2019t count the fact that Ted cheated on his wife when she was at one of the lowest points of her life, he seems to have been a pretty swell husband. Yeah, I know how that sounds. I guess what I am really saying is that I wish Ted had kept his bourbon-soaked man meat far, far away from Leslie\u2019s cavern of doom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There must have been something in the Dupree gene pool that kicked in this week because, like Kat and Anita who I discuss later in the column, Nicole had a reaction that caught me by surprise. When Ted asked her if she still cared about him, she replied, \u201cI do care\u2026 because it is something very powerful that I can use against your ass in court.\u201d Yikes. I was planning to design a \u201cCongrats on calling off your divorce\u201d card for my Krollmark collection, but it seems that I can put that energy into something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The blind trust that Leslie was given has created more questions than answers. We don\u2019t know exactly <\/em>how much money is in the trust. That\u2019s good in the sense that it leaves her money situation open-ended, but it also has a lot of viewers questioning how Leslie is able to just toss her money around like confetti. Some folks on social media thought that the million-dollar check that Leslie was given was all<\/em> of the money she had. That\u2019s not the case. It was merely the first disbursement from the trust. I believe she\u2019d slated to get disbursements every six months or so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s ridiculous to me that LSD would double her offer just to get the chance to live across the street from the Duprees. I don\u2019t believe that she has enough cash on hand to buy the house outright, and I\u2019d have to imagine that no mortgage underwriter is going to approve a mortgage on a house where the value of the house is less than the amount to be financed. On the other hand, anyone Fairmont Crest resident looking to sell is going to love<\/em> what Leslie\u2019s purchase will do for the comps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It also doesn\u2019t seem quite right that Leslie would suddenly offer up an unknown sum of money to have a wing of the country club named after her. Why? Because she wanted a club membership? That\u2019s like going to the county fair and spending $100 to win a $1 stuffed animal. Just because you can, it doesn\u2019t mean you should. Leslie is \u201cnew money\u201d and might not fully understand the value of just saying no to spending money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d originally thought that the trust was a way to create another wealthy character\/family on Beyond the Gates<\/em> that could do battle with the mighty Duprees. But the way that LSD is acting makes me think that she might blow right through her money and end up back in the same situation that she was in pre-trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was an interesting choice to have Anita indulge Leslie with information about Barbara. Well, after Anita told Leslie, \u201cGo screw yourself.\u201d Anita claimed that it was a way to reconnect with Barbara, but\u2026 It\u2019ll be a cold day in the Jarvis house before Anita and Leslie break bread, but is this the first step? I don\u2019t know, and if it is I don\u2019t know how I feel about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Andre\/Ashley\/Derek triangle still perplexes me. It\u2019s odd to me that Ashley, fresh off of popping the question to a guy who she vehemently refused to marry just a few months ago, called Andre to tell him the\u2026 good?… news. Why? Ashley claimed that she wanted to tell Andre because she, Andre, and Derek had all been pals before the relationship weirdness got in the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Were they?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I feel like Derek was worried about Andre from the moment he first laid eyes on him. Yes, they may have had drinks together, but I don\u2019t think that Derek and Andre were ever really friends. The only thing that I can come up with is that Ashley is playing some sort of game. She might not be fully aware that she is, but I am here to tell<\/em> her that she is. You don\u2019t phone the guy who took you to fake Paris and who you just broke up with to tell him that you\u2019re now engaged to another man unless you\u2019re trying to twist the knife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ashley may come across as Garland Memorial\u2019s angsty Meredith Grey-type, but she\u2019s actually far more cruel. And I said in the previous paragraph, what makes it worse is that I don\u2019t think she\u2019s aware of how hurtful she\u2019s being. She isn\u2019t just sticking it to Andre, but also to Derek. I’m pretty sure she proposed to Derek out of guilt or maybe because it seemed like the \u201cright\u201d thing to do. I know it, Derek knows it, and everyone reading this column knows it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I also question the real reason that Derek is lying about regaining sensation in his legs. Side note: I was begging for someone to do more of a test on Derek\u2019s legs than they\u2019d been doing. That touchy-touchy, rubby-rubby on his legs didn\u2019t seem realistic to me. I\u2019ve gotten more of an exam getting a pedicure at the local nail salon. Thank goodness Shanice heard my pleas and jabbed Derek with the wooden stick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, I do understand that Derek is worried that he could suffer a medical setback and that he doesn\u2019t want to get Ashley\u2019s hopes up unnecessarily. However, it\u2019s been suggested on-screen that Ashley might dump Derek if and when he is able to walk again. It doesn\u2019t seem like a healthy relationship if you have to lie about your health in order to keep your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Speaking of unhealthy relationships: Can we talk about Kat and Tom\u00e1s? In a strangely weird case of autocorrect, my word processing program tried to autocorrect the associate lawyer\u2019s name to \u201cToe Moss.\u201d Even it<\/em> knows that Tom\u00e1s is about as exciting as\u2026 well, toe moss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This aversion that Kat has to physical intimacy with Tom\u00e1s is incredibly telling. Did you see her face when Tom\u00e1s took off her blindfold and she saw that there was a bed in the room? If that\u2019s the face you make when sexual relations are on the table, that\u2019s a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So what is<\/em> the issue here? I haven\u2019t given that a whole lot of thought, but there are a few possible options. There may be some sort of medical condition that is preventing sex from being pleasurable to Kat. Kat could be, as Chelsea suggested, asexual. The other possibility was one that I never thought I\u2019d hear verbalized on the show \u2013 but\u2019s it\u2019s 2025 and the world is a-changin\u2019. \u201cNews flash! Maybe you\u2019re the who\u2019s not so great in bed!\u201d Well, damn, Kat. Tell us how you really feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I remember a bunch of weeks back Kat seemed to praise Tom\u00e1s\u2019 technique. Of course, she doesn\u2019t really have anything to compare that assessment to. And no, you naughty people, that does not mean that she needs to have sex with Jacob. I suspect that she will, however, knock boots with Jacob\u2019s soon-to-arrive brother, Izaiah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So where does this leave Kat and Tom\u00e1s\u2019 relationship? Hopefully somewhere in a landfill. Or, if we are being environmentally conscious, in a compost pile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Does this clear the way for Tom\u00e1s and Eva to explore whatever sexual tension there is between them? Yes\u2026 but that doesn\u2019t mean that I want to see that happen. I did. But I don\u2019t anymore because Tom\u00e1s is just yuck to me now. In fact, I\u2019ve started calling him No m\u00e1s Tom\u00e1s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d prefer to see Tom\u00e1s in something that doesn\u2019t<\/em> involve romance. I mean, even Hayley\u2019s ridiculous plan to use Tom\u00e1s to make Bill jealous was a total flop. There have been quite a few chances to make Tom\u00e1s more interesting \u2013 I would have loved for him to be a whistleblower during the sexual harassment storyline \u2013 but those chances, for whatever reason, haven\u2019t been taken. I don\u2019t believe that Beyond the Gates <\/em>would dare tell the story, but it would be incredibly contemporary for Tom\u00e1s to get wrapped up in an immigration or deportation plot. Not necessarily his, but possibly representing clients who were in trouble. Again, the chances of that are probably slim to none.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Slim to none are also the current odds of Doug McBride making it to see the ball drop on year 2026. Doug is totally falling apart \u2013 and it\u2019s painful to watch. Doug is (or was) a skilled cardio-thoracic surgeon. He was the Preston Burke of Garland Memorial. Sorry for a second Grey\u2019s Anatomy<\/em> reference in the column, but I\u2019ve always loved Grey\u2019s<\/em> and it\u2019s an easy go-to for medical metaphors and surgical similes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Much of Doug\u2019s dilemma has to do with the male ego. His out-of-control gambling brought Joey into his life, and my association, into Vanessa\u2019s life. Doug seemed to be aware of Vanessa\u2019s sextracurricular activities, but it only became a serious problem when she started sleeping with Doug\u2019s loan shark. Plus, it was admittedly the first time that Vanessa caught feelings for one of playthings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Doug does have a very healthy sense of self because he truly believes that he can take down Joey all by himself. Joey has bested the man at every turn, but Doug still thinks he can win. It\u2019s very similar to the way that he believed his luck would change on the next deal of the cards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What I don\u2019t understand is how<\/em> Doug thinks that he can take Joey down without also ruining Vanessa\u2019s life \u2013 and his own, for that matter. Maybe a part of him doesn\u2019t care if Vanessa gets sent to jail. If he doesn\u2019t want Vanessa sent off to the pokey, then he is delusional to think that the Feds will just look the other way to Vanessa\u2019s complicity in the money laundering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vanessa remains wildly fascinating to me. Lauren Buglioli has become one of my favorite performers to watch on Beyond the Gates. <\/em>She always seems to give juuust<\/em> a little bit more in scenes. It could be a look. It could be an intonation choice. Whatever it takes to get things to 110%, Lauren finds it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was interesting to hear Vanessa discuss her relationship with Doug to Joey. We finally heard Vanessa admit that she loves Doug. It might not have been what Joey wanted to hear, but at least Vanessa told him the truth. It just seems that Vanessa doesn\u2019t enjoy having sex with her husband any more. That\u2019s why she became a platinum member of Joey\u2019s escort service. I\u2019m not mad that she understands her sexual needs, but she and Doug probably should have had an actual conversation about this. Vanessa singularly making the decision isn\u2019t the best look.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It also wasn\u2019t a good look for Samantha to suddenly want to talk about the birds and the bees with her long-lost mother. Social media has absolutely trashed the decision, but mostly because I don\u2019t think that most people are looking at the nuance of the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Samantha knows that she can talk about \u201cgirl problems\u201d with any one of her female family members. This isn\u2019t Samantha choosing to bypass all of them to talk to her stranger danger mom. It\u2019s been clear all along that Samantha has wanted a relationship with June. When Tyrell proclaimed that both he and Samantha had decided to cut off contact with June after the first visit, Samantha\u2019s face told a different story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s be clear: Samantha has been looking for any<\/em> reason to talk to June. If she had a pet goldfish, Samantha would have made up some excuse about needing to talk to June about fish parenting. So I think it\u2019s unfair to accuse the writers of writing plot-driven story because there is a much larger picture being painted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That said, I totally disagree with Martin\u2019s cavalier remark that Samantha needs \u201cmore voices\u201d in her life. The Internet is full of other voices, but I don\u2019t think Martin would encourage Samantha to go poking around on the Dark Web for advice. Is Martin making up these folksy little pearls of wisdom to help him stay calm in the face of Samantha wanting to know her birthmother?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I do appreciate that Tyrell has promised to support his sister. As an only child, I\u2019ve obviously never had that sibling bond. I don\u2019t know if their meeting of the minds on the June situation is realistic, but to me it feels very much like #siblinggoals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve had a love hate relationship with June ever since she arrived on the scene. I think one of my first mentions of the character in a column referred to her as \u201cJune Gloom.\u201d Jasmine Burke, who portrays June on the other hand, is a lot of fun to watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n June working at Orphey Gene\u2019s was really kind of funny. Not every beat in the sitcom-esque scenes worked, but I definitely laughed out loud on more than one occasion. It was hilarious that June didn\u2019t actually write down what customers ordered. On several occasions, she told the customer what they<\/em> wanted. \u201cPisces, right?\u201d June said to one customer. \u201cYou\u2019re just giving Pisces. You\u2019re also giving chocolate milkshake and a supreme burger. Amirite?\u201d When June showed up later with the customer\u2019s order, it was not<\/em> the milkshake and burger. Why? \u201cI realized you were actually giving omelet,\u201d June explained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The only thing that would have made these scenes even more sitcommie would have been June telling someone to kiss her grits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are some rapid fire thoughts about some of the other action from the week gone by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We all know that time in the land of soaps moves at its own weird pace. Some days on soaps last for weeks in real life. Kids can age a decade in an afternoon. But it was really off-putting to hear Kat and Chelsea talk about the launch of their purse line taking place on Tuesday, September 29th<\/sup>. The 29th<\/sup> of September is actually a Monday<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t for the life of me understand why Ted doesn\u2019t use the peephole on his hotel room door. And why does he always assume that the person who just left his room is the person who is knocking on his door. He\u2019s been wrong about that every single time. He complains about Leslie being in his hotel room, but he opens the door without looking to see who is in the hallway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If Eva has a keycard to get into Ted\u2019s hotel room, why didn\u2019t she use it when she was knocking on the door while her dad and mom were knocking boots? She was worried about drunken Ted but didn\u2019t think it was urgent enough to go inside when he didn\u2019t answer the door?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was not a fan of the weird bar\/lounge at the private jetport. It just read cheap throwaway set. I\u2019d have rather Andre and Dani had drinks at the Uptown while waiting for a car service to take them to their private jet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I still do not believe that Fairmont Crest would allow Leslie to do all of the things she\u2019s claiming to want to do to the Jarvis property. There has to be some sort of Homeowner\u2019s Association and the Duprees would absolutely know that an HOA board would not allow Leslie to paint the house magenta or put up some sort of gnome and fairy garden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Beyond the Gates<\/em> writing team is once again having a little<\/em> too much fun. Here are some of the lines of dialogue that tickled my funny bone or that I found memorable over the past week (and haven’t already been mentioned in this column).<\/p>\n\n\n\n “She’s [Vanessa] good in bed<\/strong>.” “Most crazy women are.” <\/strong>— Joey and Ted discussing the intricacies of sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt’s not safe to swim with sharks — no matter how pretty they are.\u201d <\/strong>\u2013 Bill, warning Joey that his dalliance with Vanessa could come at a cost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “I’m Dani Dupree. The rules don’t apply to me.”<\/strong> — Dani (obviously) stating that it’s her world and we just live in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI hate that it took a stroke and a kidnapping to get us here.”<\/strong> — Bill with a somewhat dark take on why he’s glad that he and Dani were in a better place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAt least I was your Paris.”<\/strong> — Andre to Ashley. Their romance fell flat to me, but that was such a heartfelt, heartbreaker of a line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhose side are you on?” “Yours. It’s safer.”<\/strong> — Dani and Andre, when Dani was miffed that Andre seemed to be siding with Hayley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHotcakes… 1830s… interesting.”<\/strong> — Gen-Zer Kat when she had to use Google to translate Anita’s use of the phrase “sell like hotcakes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou’re usually giving polished and rich. Today is giving ‘day off.'”<\/strong> — Eva when Momma LSD was dressed less than spectacularly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “My comeback mode is always activa-Ted”<\/strong> — LSD following her bedroom adventure with Ted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “You are never, ever getting back together.”<\/strong> — Hayley, channeling her inner Swiftie as she told Bill that she knew that he would not be reuniting with Dani.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That’s all I have for this week’s My View From Beyond the Gates column. Thank you for reading and, as always, please feel free to share your thoughts on my column or Beyond the Gates<\/em> in the Comments section below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you’ve enjoyed my column this week and want to see what I have written about Beyond the Gates<\/em> in previous weeks, you can check those out in the My View From Beyond the Gates<\/a><\/strong> archive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Have a penchant for gardening, interior design, or fixing up old houses? Check out my Manor Makeover series<\/a><\/strong> where I write about all of the things I’ve been up to here at Kroll Manor in Allentown, PA, over the past decade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To keep up with all of the shenanigans I engage in on social media, please consider giving my a follow on Bluesky<\/strong><\/a>, Instagram<\/strong><\/a>, Threads<\/a>, Facebook<\/a>, and TwitterX<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My former Two Scoops columnists Liz Masters and Tamilu have joined me here on my personal web site — and they are still writing about General Hospital<\/em>. Liz Masters is on deck with week with a new column called, <\/a>Farce weddings and a funeral<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSome messy side piece<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Beyond the Gates | Photo: Quantrell Colbert\/CBS<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nTruth hurts<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
If it don’t make dollars… it don’t make sense<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
BMF (Blowing Money Fast)<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I like truths to my face<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Is Ashley the villain in this story?<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
I (don’t) want your sex<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
It’s not the size of the boat or the motion in the ocean<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
You make your marriage sound like an old shoe<\/strong><\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
He Doug<\/em> his own grave<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
We need more than each other<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
I hear voices<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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Beyond the Gates | Photo: Quantrell Colbert\/CBS <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nThere’s a new girl in town<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Beyond the Gates Speed Round<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Picky, picky<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Peeky, peeky<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Not the jetset crowd<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Calling the NIMBY crowd<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Lines of the week<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Follow my Random Acts of Dan<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Life outside the gates<\/h5>\n\n\n\n