{"id":2497,"date":"2025-06-14T11:24:44","date_gmt":"2025-06-14T15:24:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/?p=2497"},"modified":"2025-07-26T01:17:05","modified_gmt":"2025-07-26T05:17:05","slug":"my-view-from-beyond-the-gates-skankaroni-and-poison-apples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/danjkroll.com\/blog\/my-view-from-beyond-the-gates-skankaroni-and-poison-apples\/","title":{"rendered":"My View From Beyond the Gates: Skankaroni and poison apples"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
When you’re feeling down, forget about putting on a happy face or turning a frown upside-down. It’s 2025 and sadness and anger call for a little pottery therapy. But before you conjure up images of Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze, it’s not that<\/em> kind of therapy. It’s time for a smashing look back at what happened this past week on Beyond the Gates<\/em>.<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

It might be short notice, but if you are looking for a way to celebrate Father’s Day, consider planning a Beyond the Gates<\/em> inspired brunch for dear ol’ dad. It doesn’t matter what you serve as appetizers or accompaniments, but it is imperative that your main course is a heaping helping of Skankaroni. I’m not entirely sure what’s all in it, but I’d imagine it involves putting some sort of meat where it doesn’t belong. It can be served with a side of hoe cakes. To wrap up the meal, serve some of Kat’s delicious poison apple tarts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, maybe it’s a better idea to make reservations. You never know if and when Dani will show up and start smashing dinnerware.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No mugs were harmed in the maki\u2026 actually, scrap that<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Beyond the Gates<\/em> continues its crusade against fine china. I don’t know what Michele Val Jean has against dinnerware, but I think it deserves to be the subject of a future 60 Minutes<\/em> expos\u00e9. If you are keeping track, I believe that Dani Dupree has now destroyed six coffee mugs. What’s more, she has now enlisted her sister in her acts of silver<\/s> civil disobedience.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Karla Mosley (Dani Dupree) and Daphn\u00e9e Duplaix (Nicole Richardson)
Beyond the Gates | Screenshot<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Silliness aside, I actually enjoyed seeing the usually straight-laced Nicole let loose and smash a mug or two. I also picked up a new word thanks to all the smashing: skankaroni.<\/em> Contrary to the header image of this column, skankaroni is not a canned pasta dish. It is also not a top ten hit from Bobby Brown. It’s also an ixnay<\/em> to the idea that it is some sort of rare lizard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Skankaroniness is probably in the eye of the beholder. If I were beholding the matter, I’d say that Hayley ranks higher on the skankaroni scale than Ted. It has nothing to do with Ted being a guy and giving him a pass for mannish behavior. No, I believe that Hayley set out to steal the very-much-married Bill away from Dani. Ted strayed from his marriage, but it would seem that he’s been a model husband ever since. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Et tu Skankaron-te?<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

If she isn’t careful, though, I could see Dani earning a place on the artwork of the Skankaroni can. They way she and Bill continue to look at each other is… highly inappropriate. Bill is married to Hayley, and Dani would be no better than Hayley if she tried to start up a renewed romance with Bill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think I’m overthinking things or seeing things that aren’t there? Dani talked about Bill while she was naked in bed with Andre. It’s only a matter of time before she calls out Bill’s name while engaged in sexytimes. Plus, now that more people are figuring out that Dani and Andre are seeing each other, I think it will push Dani further away from Andre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A stroke of bad luck<\/strong> with a side of good story<\/h5>\n\n\n
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Smile! It’s Timon Kyle Durrett (Bill Hamilton)
Beyond the Gates | Screenshot<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Bill\u2019s health scare has provided a whole lot of ancillary story. It\u2019s brought at least a temporary d\u00e9tente to the hostilities between Bill and his daughters (and ex-wife). It\u2019s shown us another side of Bill\u2019s personality, though it seems to be an unwritten rule that alpha males have to be cranky babies when they get sick. We\u2019ve also been given some additional insight into Shanice as well as given her something other to do than gossip. Oh, and it\u2019s also ramped up the flirtation between Madison and Chelsea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bill’s bickering with Ashley has been greatly entertaining. Apparently the two have known each other for a long time and that has added to their friction. Bill was actually annoyed that Ashley called him “Mister Hamilton.” Hayley walking in on Bill and Ashley in a pseudo-embrace caused by him nearly falling out of bed was good soap camp. It was made funnier by Ashley insisting, “This is not what it looks like.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s also really smart writing to have Bill use his lawyering while being a bad patient. He has objected to treatments, threatened to sue for defamation for being called a softie, and he pushed back on being told to smile because women had told him it was “offensive” to be told to smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shanice sassily telling Bill to “Cognate this<\/em>” made me giggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gay’s anatomy<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

The juicy little twist of Madison being Bill’s doctor has been fun. It might not be so fun when Bill learns about Madison and Chelsea’s burgeoning relationship, but for now it’s all rainbows and butterflies. I love, love <\/em>the way that Kat is all up in Chelsea’s business regarding Dr. Montgomery. It feels very real, very contemporary, and very loving. <\/p>\n\n\n\n